Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Sydney Grace's Gift

I want to share a story that was first posted, I believe on facebook, a few days after Sydney Grace was born. I am not sure who shared this, but thank you. It is so fitting to Sydney Grace's life, that I had it read at her funeral.

Once upon a special day in Heaven up above, The tiniest souls sat at God's feet, surrounded by his love. The time was coming, very soon, God said, do not be scared. Your family awaits your arrival, now let us get prepared. And so God looked upon these souls, in mute consideration. He knew the life each one would live, He weighed each situation.

The souls chatted amongst themselves, and wondered who they'd be. They knew the day grew closer; soon, they'd meet their family. How would you like to change the world? God asked each soul in fun. The chance to change a soul, a heart, is held by only one. I'm going to make the world laugh, one soul said with a smile, for laughter heals a broken heart, and helps us through each trial. Then take with you the brightest smile, and share your laughter well. The soul thanked God immensely, and down to earth he fell.

And I'll remind the world to sing, a sweet little soul told the Lord. I have the gift of a beautiful voice; I can hit every note and every chord. You’ll have the gift of music then, a voice, lovely and strong. Share your gift with others, and let them hear your song.

I will show compassion, the next little soul raised her hand. Some people only need a friend, someone to understand. Compassion is a good thing, God said with much delight. To you, I will give mercy. You'll perceive wrong from right. And so each soul shared every thought, their plans, their hopes, their dreams. And God explained that life, it is, much harder than it seems. And as each soul began to leave in a scurry of laughter and fun.

Heaven became quiet and still, for left was only one. Come sit with me my little child, God said with just a sigh. Do you know how many you will touch, in a world left wondering why? Before your life comes to an end, you will know much strife, but you'll teach those who know you, to cherish the smallest things in life. And some may only know you through a simple photograph, they'll never hold you in their arms, or memorize your laugh. Some may only know you through the words they read each day, but you'll do something wonderful, you'll make them stop and pray. The tiniest soul raised her head up, to touch God's firm, strong hand. Father, I am ready for, the life that you have planned. And I will do the best I can without a word or deed. For you Lord, are the planter, and I will be your seed. She could already hear many praying, and although they had not seen her face, they were praying for her safe arrival, they were asking for mercy and grace. What talent do I leave with Lord? What gift do you impart? All that you will need, God said, I've placed within your heart. And so God kissed this tiny child, knowing all that she would be, and whispered as he watched her go...You'll teach them . . . to love me.

- Author Unknown


The first time I read this, I cried. I could not believe how perfect this described my child. So many people did pray for her safe arrival.... so many only know of her through photos or the words they read .... so many did grow closer to God because of her....

She continues to touch so many, even complete strangers. Just today a lady, that I have never met, emailed me to say how much Sydney Grace has touched her life. I had someone come up to me a few weeks ago in Mrytle Beach because she recognized me from this blog. I am amazed of the lasting impression Sydney Grace has left on so many.

One more example of how she will continue to touch lives: I am happy to say that because of all the generous donations, over $12,000, to the Sydney Grace memorial fund, Carteret General will be sending nurses and social workers to training for pediatric hospice. Carteret County does not have a pediatric hospice. I was very fortunate that Sydney Grace really did not need these services. We had great family support, and we had some wonderful friends that were nurses. Everyone that faces what we did might not have the support system that we had. They might need hospice services and now they will!!

It has been six months and Sydney Grace is still amazing me. She truly was and still is "Amazing Sydney Grace."

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Lessons learned

What have I learned in the past six months?
1. Obviously, this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Yes, to most people, I am doing just fine. One of my favorite lines from "I Will Carry You" is "People say that I am brave but I’m not, Truth is I’m barely hanging on." I think I am doing a pretty good job with everyday life. I can function. I am able to carry on with normal things: work, cleaning, cooking, taking care of Rafe. Most days are pretty good. But the truth is there are lots of time that I am barely hanging on. I often wondered before Sydney Grace was born how I would deal with her death. There is a constant under current of sadness. Sometimes it overwhelms me.

This brings me to my second point:
2. It is ok to grieve. I few weeks ago I heard a sermon that was perfect for me. It was titled "Eternity and Grief: Side by Side." I KNOW Sydney Grace is in a better place. I know she will never feel pain, yet I still grieve. Lots of people would say if you are a good Christian, then you should not grieve. It is almost selfish. We are feeling sorry for ourselves. Guess what: it is ok. It does not take away the fact that Sydney Grace is in a perfect place. I still grieve for what might have been. Today Sydney Grace would have been six months old. She would be sitting up, probably eating baby food. I never got to see her laugh or crawl. These are things that upset me the most. I so wanted a baby girl. I got her and I am so thankful that I had her for those 20 wonderful days, but I still grieve for the times I will never share with her.

Now for some wonderful news. Because of all the generous people who donated money to the CGH nursery fund, over $12,000 was raised. I have talked with the hospital and they are looking to use this money as a fund to do three things. Because there is no pediatric hospice in Carteret County they plan on sending some current hospice workers to training for pediatrics. Also they plan on bringing in counselors for those families. They even may be able to have funds for families that can not afford funeral expenses. Obviously, $12,000 could not cover all of this for an extended period of time, but it is a start. The plan is to continue to raise money for this fund. Who knew Sydney Grace would continue to touch the lives of so many people? I have said it before, but I will say it again, I am so proud to be her mother. She was only here on this earth for 20 days, but she has blessed so many!