Amazing Sydney Grace

Happy Birthday Sydney Grace

2011-01-09T14:11:00.008-05:00

I know this is two days late, but I would love to let everyone know how special Sydney Grace's 1st birthday was. In the weeks leading up to January 7th, I was not sure how I was going to react on her birthday. I really thought I would be very depressed and sad on her day. Actually, I was feeling that way for the past two weeks. Surprisingly, I thought January 7th was a pretty good day. We all focused on how wonderful the day of her birth actually was. It was a day that was supposed be a terrible day. Instead it was a day of miracles. It was the best day of me life for sure!

Joel and I decided we would have all our family over for a dinner to celebrate Sydney Grace's birthday. It was really nice having everyone over. We even had some special guests. The two nurses that delivered Sydney Grace, Bobbi and Marg, along with their daughters came for a visit. They gave me an awesome gift that Marg's daughter drew by hand. It is a picture of an angel holding an angel baby. It is beautiful. It has an inscription that says.."I have a feeling there's one more star up in the sky tonight... And even though it's far away, its brightness and warmth still reach us and make the night a little less dark." Here is a photo of the picture and of my two fabulous nurses and the artist.

At the end of our family dinner, Rafe blew out one candle on Sydney's cake in honor and memory of her. I thought it would nice for Rafe to be able to take part in the celebration of Sydney Grace's life. We also had a balloon release in honor of Sydney's first birthday. My original plan was to attach a card that had a note from everyone written to Sydney. Unfortunately, it was too heavy for the balloon to lift off the ground. On a positive note, I will now have this as one more thing to show how much we all love and miss Sydney Grace. I am know reliving those twenty days we had with her. I can almost remember something that happened on everyone of those days. I have to say I am not looking forward to the 27th, but hopefully it will bring some comfort in knowing Sydney Grace is better off than those of us left behind. She is in the arms of our creator, no other place better.

Here are two videos from our dinner on Sydney Grace's birthday.

New Baby

2010-11-18T21:04:00.006-05:00

It has been 4 months since the last time I have written on the blog... A lot has happened. At the end of August I found I was pregnant again!! It was unexpected, but very welcomed. Needless to say I was extremely nervous at the very beginning, just praying that this baby would be healthy. A few weeks ago, we visited the same specialist we did every month while pregnant with Sydney Grace to make sure they baby was healthy. Everything looked great! Here are some ultrasound photos from that visit.

My goal to is continue this blog, sharing about the new baby and Rafe's many adventures!

Sydney Grace's Gift

2010-07-27T22:41:00.004-04:00

I want to share a story that was first posted, I believe on facebook, a few days after Sydney Grace was born. I am not sure who shared this, but thank you. It is so fitting to Sydney Grace's life, that I had it read at her funeral.

Once upon a special day in Heaven up above, The tiniest souls sat at God's feet, surrounded by his love. The time was coming, very soon, God said, do not be scared. Your family awaits your arrival, now let us get prepared. And so God looked upon these souls, in mute consideration. He knew the life each one would live, He weighed each situation.

The souls chatted amongst themselves, and wondered who they'd be. They knew the day grew closer; soon, they'd meet their family. How would you like to change the world? God asked each soul in fun. The chance to change a soul, a heart, is held by only one. I'm going to make the world laugh, one soul said with a smile, for laughter heals a broken heart, and helps us through each trial. Then take with you the brightest smile, and share your laughter well. The soul thanked God immensely, and down to earth he fell.

And I'll remind the world to sing, a sweet little soul told the Lord. I have the gift of a beautiful voice; I can hit every note and every chord. You’ll have the gift of music then, a voice, lovely and strong. Share your gift with others, and let them hear your song.

I will show compassion, the next little soul raised her hand. Some people only need a friend, someone to understand. Compassion is a good thing, God said with much delight. To you, I will give mercy. You'll perceive wrong from right. And so each soul shared every thought, their plans, their hopes, their dreams. And God explained that life, it is, much harder than it seems. And as each soul began to leave in a scurry of laughter and fun.

Heaven became quiet and still, for left was only one. Come sit with me my little child, God said with just a sigh. Do you know how many you will touch, in a world left wondering why? Before your life comes to an end, you will know much strife, but you'll teach those who know you, to cherish the smallest things in life. And some may only know you through a simple photograph, they'll never hold you in their arms, or memorize your laugh. Some may only know you through the words they read each day, but you'll do something wonderful, you'll make them stop and pray. The tiniest soul raised her head up, to touch God's firm, strong hand. Father, I am ready for, the life that you have planned. And I will do the best I can without a word or deed. For you Lord, are the planter, and I will be your seed. She could already hear many praying, and although they had not seen her face, they were praying for her safe arrival, they were asking for mercy and grace. What talent do I leave with Lord? What gift do you impart? All that you will need, God said, I've placed within your heart. And so God kissed this tiny child, knowing all that she would be, and whispered as he watched her go...You'll teach them . . . to love me.

- Author Unknown

The first time I read this, I cried. I could not believe how perfect this described my child. So many people did pray for her safe arrival.... so many only know of her through photos or the words they read .... so many did grow closer to God because of her....

She continues to touch so many, even complete strangers. Just today a lady, that I have never met, emailed me to say how much Sydney Grace has touched her life. I had someone come up to me a few weeks ago in Mrytle Beach because she recognized me from this blog. I am amazed of the lasting impression Sydney Grace has left on so many.

One more example of how she will continue to touch lives: I am happy to say that because of all the generous donations, over $12,000, to the Sydney Grace memorial fund, Carteret General will be sending nurses and social workers to training for pediatric hospice. Carteret County does not have a pediatric hospice. I was very fortunate that Sydney Grace really did not need these services. We had great family support, and we had some wonderful friends that were nurses. Everyone that faces what we did might not have the support system that we had. They might need hospice services and now they will!!

It has been six months and Sydney Grace is still amazing me. She truly was and still is "Amazing Sydney Grace."

Lessons learned

2010-07-07T22:33:00.004-04:00

What have I learned in the past six months?
1. Obviously, this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Yes, to most people, I am doing just fine. One of my favorite lines from "I Will Carry You" is "People say that I am brave but I’m not, Truth is I’m barely hanging on." I think I am doing a pretty good job with everyday life. I can function. I am able to carry on with normal things: work, cleaning, cooking, taking care of Rafe. Most days are pretty good. But the truth is there are lots of time that I am barely hanging on. I often wondered before Sydney Grace was born how I would deal with her death. There is a constant under current of sadness. Sometimes it overwhelms me.

This brings me to my second point:
2. It is ok to grieve. I few weeks ago I heard a sermon that was perfect for me. It was titled "Eternity and Grief: Side by Side." I KNOW Sydney Grace is in a better place. I know she will never feel pain, yet I still grieve. Lots of people would say if you are a good Christian, then you should not grieve. It is almost selfish. We are feeling sorry for ourselves. Guess what: it is ok. It does not take away the fact that Sydney Grace is in a perfect place. I still grieve for what might have been. Today Sydney Grace would have been six months old. She would be sitting up, probably eating baby food. I never got to see her laugh or crawl. These are things that upset me the most. I so wanted a baby girl. I got her and I am so thankful that I had her for those 20 wonderful days, but I still grieve for the times I will never share with her.

Now for some wonderful news. Because of all the generous people who donated money to the CGH nursery fund, over $12,000 was raised. I have talked with the hospital and they are looking to use this money as a fund to do three things. Because there is no pediatric hospice in Carteret County they plan on sending some current hospice workers to training for pediatrics. Also they plan on bringing in counselors for those families. They even may be able to have funds for families that can not afford funeral expenses. Obviously, $12,000 could not cover all of this for an extended period of time, but it is a start. The plan is to continue to raise money for this fund. Who knew Sydney Grace would continue to touch the lives of so many people? I have said it before, but I will say it again, I am so proud to be her mother. She was only here on this earth for 20 days, but she has blessed so many!

What time is she going to heaven?

2010-06-07T21:21:00.002-04:00

Today Sydney Grace would have been five months old. As I have been remembering that day today all I can think about was how happy I was. I went into the day thinking it would be the worst day of my life, but it turned into the BEST day of my life.

I was looking at photos and videos tonight from that wonderful day. I came across this video that I want to share. If you listen closely, you will hear Rafe in the background asking,"What time is she going to heaven?" He then I asked about Jesus' hand and if we will see his hand as she goes to heaven. This is such a precious memory for me. This video is something I will treasure forever.

Sydney Grace's bath

2010-05-26T20:23:00.007-04:00

At this very moment four months ago, Sydney Grace was taking her first and last bath in a tub. I keep thinking about that tonight. That was the night that she passed away. The whole week before, she was struggling. At first she had terrible diarrhea which caused her to be severely dehydrated. Then it turned into constipation. That was why she had the warm bath. Her tummy was so bloated and she was so uncomfortable. Just as soon as she was placed in the tub she just relaxed. We could tell she really like it, which was so unlike the first time Rafe took a bath in a tub. He screamed bloody murder.

I have never shared this photo before, but this is Sydney Grace taking her bath. She was so sick and it breaks my heart seeing her this way. For some reason I did not want people to see this photo. I guess because she looks so weak. At first I did not even think about taking a picture because we were all so concerned about her health that night, but then she did something that made me have to get my iphone. She was so relaxed that she crossed her little legs and propped them on the edge of the tub. She was in heaven. Of course, I did not get the photo fast enough with her feet on the edge, but I think you can see in the picture that she was really relaxed. This was the second to last photo ever taken of Sydney Grace. I have one more photo, her last, that I have never shared. It is of her wrapped in her towel crying after her bath. I am not ready to share that photo...not yet anyway.

I remember as everyone was leaving that night, my sister offered to stay with me. I told her no, that I was planning on sleeping with Sydney. She called me later on that night still concerned about Sydney Grace's constipation. I remember saying I had a bad feeling that this was a sign of the end. That her body was probably shutting down. I said the constipation was not worrying me so much, as her breathing was. She was struggling even with the oxygen tank. I did not know for sure if she would pass that night, but I had a feeling it was coming soon.

It's been four months now. It feels like such a long time ago, yet I can still feel her in my arms. I can still remember how I woke up that night and felt her limp body and her heavy breathing. How she just looked at me the whole time as she was taking her last breaths...

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T21:13:00.017-04:00

It's been a long time... I have been so busy with work, Rafe, life...that I have not been able to sit down long enough to write. Since the last entry Joel and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary. We started dating when we were 16 years old, so we have been together for almost 17 years. I feel old... We have had a really full life together. We have lived in three different states (California, Alabama, and North Carolina), Joel completed graduate school and got his Ph.D, we have had two wonderful children, and had to bury one of them. I just keep thinking about if someone told us back in 1993 when we started dating if in 17 years we would have to bury a child what would we say? We have had a lifetime of experiences just in our short 10 years of marriage. I can honestly say that although this past year has been difficult, Joel has amazed me. He has shown me a side of him that I have never seen before. I love him more and more each year.

Sydney Grace would have been four months old on Friday. It seems like an eternity ago. I went to visit her grave today (on Mother's Day.) I just sat there by myself and talked to her. I so wanted to hold her. For some reason, I love to listen to music while I am visiting her grave. I usually listen to two songs, "I will Carry you," and "Fly." I can not remember if I have shared this before, but as Sydney was taking her last breaths I played those two songs as I rocked her. I had not woken up Joel yet so it was just me and my baby. I will never forget how she just looked at me the whole time. It was so peaceful... That is a memory I will treasure for the rest of my life.

I have been reading the book "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith. She is the woman that the song was written about. Her baby, Audrey Caroline, passed away after two hours. This book is really, really good. Angie tells the story of Audrey by bringing in the story of Jesus and Lazarus. I am only half way through the book but it amazes me that all our stories are so similar. We, mothers, all go through the same decisions, emotions, hurt when we are faced with having a child that will die. I am looking forward to finishing this wonderful book. I really recommend this to anyone that is going through something this terrible or to those of you that want to understand.

I had breakfast with Rafe at his school on Friday. The preschool gave a "Muffins for Mothers" breakfast in honor of Mother's Day. Rafe was so excited. For the past few weeks he has been telling me about all I was going to get. He was so funny. He would say, "I am going to sing you a song, but I can't tell you," or "I made you a picture frame, but I can't tell you." I will have to say Rafe's teachers really did do a lot of crafts with them. I got a shell picture frame, a poem, a paper rose, a bracelet, a plant and a song. Of course, I forgot my camera with the video recorder so I could not get Rafe singing his song. Here is a picture of Rafe and his future wife, Shelby. Rafe informed Shelby at the breakfast that her name was going to be Shelby Fodrie.

Please continue to pray for me. I am going through a difficult time right now with my health. My thyroid is completely out of control. If any of you know about hypothyroidism, you know that it affects a lot. The last month I have really felt the effects of this. Hopefully, my wonderful doctor will get it under control soon.

I would like to share an email I got today about mothers.

A Newborn ' s Conversation with God

A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

God said, "Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have
to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."

God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you.
And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."

Again the small child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"

God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words
you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will
teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach
you how to pray."

"Who will protect me?"

God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life."

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach
you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth
could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave
now, please tell me my angel's name."

God said, You will simply call her, "Mom."

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mothers of Angels in Heaven

Great Weekend

2010-04-18T22:01:00.004-04:00

I had such a busy and wonderful weekend. I really feel like I got lots done. There are some weekends when I ask myself, where did the time go? This was not one of those weekends.

Friday night, I graded my students geometry projects. Let me say, it is taking me forever to grade all these projects. I am almost done... I hope to have them completed by the end of the week. I am sure my students are wondering when they will get them back.

On Saturday,I was able to get groceries, clean, take a nap, play with Rafe, take Rafe to the shore, and even have a girls night out. Me, my sisters, and friends went to see "Date Night." I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard. I highly recommend this movie.

Today, I visited Sydney Grace's grave. It is so nice just to go and sit by her grave on such a nice day. Rafe walked around and picked little wildflowers for me and Sydney Grace, while I "visited" with Sydney.

The weekend ended with both mine and Joel's family having a clam bake at our house. It was so good. I had never done a clam bake before, so my mom helped me. It is actually pretty easy. The best part was having the whole family at our house. During the month of January, we spent so much time together. While Sydney Grace was with us, there was not a day that went by that we did not eat together. The last time we all ate together was when Mr. Fodrie passed away. It was really nice to have everyone together for no particular reason. Rafe absolutely loves having everyone at our house. If it was up to him, we would eat together every night. He loves all his family so much.

It was really nice to have such a nice weekend.

I'm ok

2010-04-13T21:54:00.008-04:00

First off, this is my second time typing this entry. Somehow what I typed earlier, which was finished, got erased. I somehow think this new entry will be shorter the second time around.

I want to thank everyone for all your concerns since my last post. I want everyone to know that I am really ok. Of course, I have my moments that I am down. It has not even been three months since Sydney Grace passed. For the most part, I think I am doing better than I ever thought I would. It does seem that when I am feeling down, it is the time that I have something that I want to blog about. This blog has really been a blessing. I have lots of family and friends that I talk to, but writing about it really does help.

For those parents that are facing the same decisions that Joel and I had to make, please know that although some of my entries seem to be really depressing, it was all worth it. The past eight months have been really hard, but I would not change my decision for anything. Our decision to keep Sydney Grace, even though we had no idea how long we would have her, before birth or after, was the best decision we ever made. She brought so much joy to not only our family, but to thousands of people who never got to meet her. Joel once asked me, before Sydney Grace was born, if I could go back and never be pregnant, would I choose to do so? My reply was that I would not change it. Although I knew Sydney Grace would not be with us long, I knew she was a gift from God. We were very fortunate to have her for twenty days, way more than we ever thought. She truly was a blessing.

I made a background link about Sydney Grace on the sidebar. For those who have not read Sydney's story before birth and after, you can read it on this link.
Sydney Grace's Story

I have a few ribbon magnets left for $10. Money will be donated to the hospital nursery in Sydney Grace's name. Thanks to all that have purchased one.

Dreams...

2010-04-10T22:55:00.002-04:00

When Sydney Grace first passed away, and Rafe would get sad, I would tell him she was still with us. If he wanted to see her, he could dream about her. Many times when it was time for him to fall asleep we would pray for Sydney Grace and he would pray to dream about her. I asked him the other day if he has ever dreamed about her. His reply, “No.”

Every night, when I go to bed I pray to dream about Sydney Grace. I want to hold her, I want to see her little face and hear her in my dreams. I want to feel her close to me again. My reply to if I have dreamed about her, “No.” Why? Why can’t I have this one thing?

The other day, my mom said that she had dreamed about Sydney. She was a little girl, not a baby, with long blond hair. She could not remember her face, but knew that it was her. She said in the dream Sydney Grace went everywhere with us. Just as normal as if Rafe was with us. It meant to her that Sydney Grace is with us. She will always be with us.

So why can’t I have a beautiful dream about my baby. I did dream about Sydney Grace about one week after she passed. In the dream, I was running down my parent’s path with Sydney in my arms. She was turning blue and dying. I knew that she was not going to make it, so I needed to get her in the house. This has been my one and only dream. Reliving the worse thing I have ever experienced, Sydney’s apnea episodes. During these episodes Sydney would turn so blue and stop breathing. When the episodes first started, we thought Sydney was dying. I am so happy this is not how she actually passed.

I heard the song “To where you are,” by Josh Grobin the other day. It was speaking to me. Every night this is my hope, to have Sydney come back to me, if only for awhile. Maybe one night I will have this dream. I bet it will be the best dream I have ever had. I hope…..

To Where You Are

Who can say for certain
Maybe you’re still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You’re still an inspiration
Can it be (? )
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you’re there
A breath away is not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn’t faith believing
All power can’t be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
‘cause you are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you’re there
A breath away is not far
To where you are

I know you’re there
A breath away is not far
To where you are

Sydney's Room

2010-04-06T22:35:00.007-04:00

Where to begin? I have a lot of things on my mind. Some will have to wait for later posts. I know I have not been writing regularly the past month. Mostly it is due to the fact that I am back at work and I just don't have to time to write like I did before. Also, for the most part, our lives are back to some sense of normalcy. I know our lives will never be the same as before Sydney Grace, but things are back into a routine.

I am on Easter break this week. Rafe and I are actually leaving tomorrow to go to Myrtle Beach for a few days. Rafe is really looking forward to it. I hope to go to the outlets to get Rafe some new summer clothes.

I have spent the last couple of days cleaning. We finally got everything cleaned up from Rafe's birthday party. It was a really good party. I think everything went really well.

Yesterday, Paige and I painted Rafe's and Sydney Grace's rooms. When we found out about Sydney Grace having trisomy 18, we did not get her room ready for her. We did not decorate or have any furniture. For a long time we did not know what we would do with this extra room. We finally decided right before Sydney was born that it would be a den. But once we were able to bring her home it became Sydney's room again. We did get her a few basics like a bassinet to go in it.

Now that Sydney Grace is gone, it is still "her room." It will always be her room. Even if we have another child it will always be Sydney's room first. This is the room that Sydney Grace took her baths. It is were her diapers were changed and she was dressed. It is were I would rock her and a few times hold her all night. It is were Sydney Grace took her last breath in my arms.

I chose to paint her room a rose color, or as Joel would say "pink". Here is a picture of some of Sydney Grace's things with the new wall color.

With all the events of the past few days (Rafe's birthday, Easter, painting), you would think I would be so busy that I would not feel so down. I have had a pretty hard day. Not crying so much, but really feeling down. I had that sick stomach feeling all day. I have not had this feeling for a long time.

On Sunday, I got really upset. I was in church listening to a song the pastor was playing during his sermon, when I just started crying really hard. Joel looked at me and wanted to know what was wrong. What was wrong was that I was not holding Sydney Grace on that beautiful Easter Sunday! I was looking around at all the little kids. Looking at the pretty dresses, looking at the little babies. The whole time I was thinking Sydney should be in my arms with her Easter dress like all the other babies were in their mother's arms. Instead I had to leave church and go visit my baby at her grave. I was really angry. It felt really unfair. I know that my baby is definitely in a better place. She is not suffering, but I am suffering. I miss all the things that I will never get to do with her. Things that mothers and daughters do together. When will this anger and feeling sorry for myself end?

Raffle Winner

2010-04-04T15:21:00.004-04:00

Thank you everyone for buying raffle tickets. We raised over $10,000!!!! Watch the video to see Rafe draw the winner.

Mr. Brulet is being very generous. He is donating the computer to the CGH Foundation in Sydney Grace's name.

Happy Birthday, Rafe!

2010-04-03T20:46:00.004-04:00

Rafe's birthday is tomorrow. He will turn four years old. Today we had a wonderful birthday party for him. He was able to invite all his friends. We had a bouncy house, cotton candy machine, icee machine, easter egg hunt and more. It was a beautiful day. The weather was spectacular.

Joel and I have been blessed to have two wonderful children. As I tell Rafe, we have two angels. One in heaven and one on earth. Rafe has been such a blessing to our family. He, like the rest of our family, has had a pretty rough 8 months. We wanted to give Rafe a party that he would remember forever. I know he had a great day. He was so tired that he fell asleep by 8 tonight. Here is a picture of him sleeping after a long day.

I decided to make a video in honor of Rafe's first four years. It is set to the song "My Wish." I pray that Rafe will have a wonderful life. He has already experienced such heart ache at a very early age. I will never forget the day that he told be that he felt bad. After questioning where he hurt, he replied, "my heart, because I miss Sydney Grace."

I hope you enjoy this slideshow as much as Rafe does. He loves watching himself as he gets older. I plan on adding photos and videos of Rafe's birthday soon. I just need the usb cable from Joel's work.

Last week of computer raffle

2010-03-27T22:57:00.002-04:00

Today, it has been two months since Sydney Grace passed. It seems just like yesterday since I had her in my arms. At the same time it seems like a long time. A lot has happened in the past two months. Mr. Fodrie passed away. I have been back to work for four weeks. Joel has been really busy with work. We had a party in honor of all the people who helped our family and Sydney Grace. We have been busy.

I am currently planning Rafe's birthday party for next weekend. His birthday falls on Easter Sunday this year. We are having a party for him on Saturday. He is so excited. He will be drawing a winning ticket for the computer raffle next weekend. So many have bought tickets. There is still time to buy. Here is the information:

HERE IS WHAT YOU WILL WIN:
Dell Vostro 1520 Laptop Computer LOADED
Pentium T6670
2.2 GHz
4GB DDR2
800 MHz
320 GB Hard Drive
Windows 7 Professional
Cherry Red
Bluetooth Mod
8x DVD RW
Wireless card
9 cell battery
15.4" Anti glare screen

Chances are $20 each
OR 3 for $50
OR 7 for $100

If you want to have a chance to win the laptop, mail your check (made payable to Carteret General Hospital Foundation-Nursery, memo: Sydney Grace) to:

Glenn Lowe
P. O. Box 391
Harkers Island, NC 28531

Rafe will draw the winner on his birthday (April 4th) and I will notify the winner personally and make arrangements for delivery.

Sydney Grace's story part 3

2010-03-21T00:56:00.010-04:00

As promised here is the final part of Sydney's story before and after birth.

When I reached week 28, I was still pregnant. I just knew I would deliver very soon. I had that range of week 28-32 in my head. I was ready as far as having everything planned but not ready emotionally (I don’t think I was ever ready for that.) When we first found out, I went into action. I wanted everything planned out. I wanted Sydney Grace to have a christening gown, some jewelry, and other things I would have of hers once she was gone. We talked to the doctors and expressed our wishes of doing a perinatal hospice for Sydney Grace. We talked to the funeral home and had her service planned. I knew once Sydney Grace was born, I would not be able to make many decisions.

Week 28 went by, then 29, 30, 31, and 32. Still no labor. At this point I starting to have what I believe to be panic attacks. I had one at school one day. My heart started beating fast. I felt light headed. My arms and legs felt like jelly. I did not know what was wrong. I called my doctor’s office and was told to go directly to the hospital. Nothing was wrong with Sydney or me. While at the hospital, I had a small breakdown. I just could not handle this anymore. I was so ready for this pain to be over. I was at the point in my pregnancy that I thought Sydney would have been born. I never imagined she would make it this long.

Since I had made it this far, I was given the option to be induced at 37 weeks. The problem, 37 weeks was December 23. I definitely did not want to be induced two days before Christmas. After having my small breakdown in November, I wanted to go ahead and be induced as soon as possible. At 34 weeks, if the doctors would have allowed it, I would have done it then, or so I thought. They would not for a number of reasons. The soonest would be 36 weeks. I actually went to the hospital on Dec. 14 with false labor. I was so upset during this, that the doctor offered to induce me that night, a few days before 36 weeks.

Now it was decision time. Just days before, I had decided to let go and let God be in control. My biggest fear was that Sydney Grace would be born and die during Christmas. I did not want that for Rafe. I wanted his Christmas to be the best. When the doctor offered to induce me I was back to wanting it to be over. I just knew that if I was induced the outcome would not be any different than if Sydney came on her own time. I was so wrong. I struggled that night. I wanted someone to tell me what to do. No one would. They said it was my decision. Then Joel said something that made me realize I could never decide to induce just for the sake of wanting it to be over. He said, “He wanted Sydney Grace with us as long as possible, if that meant two hours, two days, or two weeks.” He was not ready to give her up. I was not either. I wanted the pain to be over, not realizing if I decided to induce, the pain would probably be worse down the road. I would always have the “what ifs.” I went home that night content with my decision. I was blessed to have Sydney as long as possible.

I went back to the hospital again on December 30 thinking I could be in labor again. I was not. I had so many Braxton hicks contractions during this pregnancy. Once again, it was offered for me to be induced. Once again, I said no.

When I went to the doctor on January 5, the doctor strongly suggested that I get induced. This time it was because my blood pressure was too high. I was at 39 weeks and because of my blood pressure they did not want to take any risk to my health. I was admitted on the night of January 6. They started softening my cervix and were to give me drugs to induce labor the next morning. That did not have to happen.

In the middle of the night, I woke up with contractions, but they were not registering on the monitor, so they kept me on the medicine to soften by cervix. They continued for a few hours. Then my water broke and I was 3 cm. Forty-five minutes later I was 4 cm and ten minutes later Sydney Grace was born at 5:11am. Sydney Grace came so fast that the doctor did not even make it in on time. Two nurses finished delivering her. She was Frank Breach, which means her butt came out first, then her feet. I was trying not to push as the nurses were trying to get everything ready, but I could not help it. She basically just fell out. The nurses did help get her head out last. The first thing I asked was if she was alive. One nurse said, “I am sorry, but no.” I just started crying. I knew this was a very likely possibility, but I so badly want to see her alive if for only minutes. It seemed like an eternity, but probably only 15 seconds later, the nurse said she believed she heard a faint heartbeat. It was very week and irregular, but continued to get stronger and stronger as the hours went on.

On that first day, I remember counting the hours that she was alive. We never imagined she would live more than a few minutes with her heart condition. She kept getting stronger and stronger. She continued until day five. I really believe up until this point in my life, I had never experienced a day any worse than that day. We took her to Greenville to a pediatric cardiologist to determine if her fetal diagnosis was correct. Images of her heart would be greatly improved from those of when she was inside me. The doctor was very wonderful, but he confirmed that Sydney Grace’s original diagnosis was correct. One thing we found out was that along with her fatal heart defect, she had another defect that was keeping her alive. A ductus that closes after babies are born had not yet closed. This usually closes after a few hours or at most, a few days after birth. Sydney’s was extra large. This was what was keeping her heart from having to take over getting blood to the lungs. The ductus (PDA) was basically doing the heart’s job. We really did not have any idea as to when Sydney would pass. It could be on the car ride home or six months from now. After meeting with the doctor, we met with a genetic counselor. It was then that Sydney had her first apnea episode. I looked down and she was completely blue and stopped breathing. The doctor rushed back in and said her heart rate was down drastically. He could no longer hear the murmur (which indicated the ductus was closing or closed). He took another look at her heart with an ultrasound and it was back open. I had never been so scared in my life. The rest of the day I was so down. I was in this deep depression and had no idea how to get out of it. I believe Joel was really scared for me. I did not know how we could move forward. Knowing that she could die at any second or be with us for months.

The next day Sydney Grace had another episode, this time about 20 minutes. We thought it was the end. We called everyone to the hospital thinking she could not last much longer. That night the episodes continued to get worse and worse. Once again we called everyone in the middle of the night, thinking she would not make it to the morning. Once again she fooled us. Without being too graphic, let me just say, no one should ever have to witness their child go through these episodes, with some lasting more than 30 minutes. This was the first time, Joel and I, really started questioning God. We had accepted that we would not have Sydney Grace long. We were just so thankful to have her for any amount of time. We were now starting to understand why Sydney Grace had been placed on this earth. We were amazed at the number of people being brought to their knees in prayer because of Sydney. For the life of us though, we could not understand why Sydney had to suffer so much. Watching her struggle for a breath was heartbreaking. Why did she have to go through so much? I am not sure I will ever know.

Once again, it was time to pray for strength to be there for Sydney Grace during these times. As Joel said, “this was our new normal.” Having to deal with these episodes was sadly something we got used to. Obviously, it was not fun, but we were not so scared every time thinking she was about to die. Sydney Grace lived for 15 more days after her very first episode. We were able to bring her home. We were able to share her with probably close to 200 people. She was truly a blessing to so many people.

When Sydney Grace passed away, I am so thankful that she did not struggle. As I held her, and we looked at each other, her breathing just starting slowing down until she took her last breath at 2:07 am on January 27, 2010. It was just Sydney Grace, Joel and I in the room. It was so peaceful. I know this is going to sound weird, but it was a beautiful experience. I was privileged to be this child’s mother. God chose me. What an honor! She was inside me for 9 months. She came into this world with just Joel and me and two nurses. She left this world with just Joel and me with her.

Sydney Grace has taught me so much. One, I am much stronger than I, or anyone else, thought I would ever be. Because of her, I have seen Joel in a whole new light. He is such a good man. I am lucky to have him. She taught all of us what a miracle really is. It is the love of God.

Thank you, Sydney Grace, for being my daughter.

Ordinary Miracle

2010-03-15T23:34:00.005-04:00

I heard the song "Ordinary Miracle" the other day. I instantly thought about Sydney Grace and the miracle that she was. On her first day, we counted the minutes then the hours that she was still with us. We knew that when she survived that first day that she was a miracle.

I decided to make a slideshow of just Sydney Grace's first day set to this song. I hope you enjoy. (Please remember to turn off the music at the bottom of the blog before you watch the video.)

Photography by Aly Dart.

Trisomy Awareness Month

2010-03-14T20:59:00.004-04:00

March is Trisomy Awareness Month. Please visit www.trisomy.org to see how Trisomy abnormalities have affected so many families. Everyone knows about Trisomy 21, Down Syndrome, and now Trisomy 18, Edwards Syndrome, but there are many other Trisomy abnormalities. There are more families dealing with trisomies than I ever knew about. I never thought anything like this would happen to our family. I was wrong. Please pray for all the families who are living with this new reality, just as we are.

As I was looking at articles about Trisomy 18, I came across this video. I have tried to write about our experience and the choices we have made. This video shows two families that had to make the same decisions as us. When I looked at this video, it was like these families were taking the words out of my mouth. Please watch this to see how when faced with the terrible news, the same that we received 7 months ago, these families faced it with love and grace. As I have said before, when people say how strong they think I am, I say "I am no stronger than the rest." When you are faced with a situation like ours, you find the strength to get through it. I found my strength in God and my family. My nightly prayer has always been, "Thy will be done." I have always prayed for the strength to get through anything that life brings me. I truly believe that through the grace of God, I am getting through it. Some days are easier than others, but I know I will be ok.

I want to share a poem someone sent me a while back. It speaks to everything I am trying to say.

God’s Lent Child
I'll lend you for a little while
A child of mine, God said
For you to love the while she lives
And mourn for when she's dead.
It may be six or seven years
or forty-two or three;
But will you, till I call her back
Take care of her for me?
She'll bring her charm to gladden you
And -should her stay be brief-
You'll have her lovely memories
As a solace for your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay
Since all from Earth return;
But there are lessons taught below
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the whole world over
In my search for teachers true;
And from the things that crowd life's lane
I have chosen you.
Now will you give her all your love?
Nor think the labor in vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take
This lent child home again?
I fancied that I heard them say
"Dear Lord, Thy will be done"
For all the joys Thy child will bring
The risk of grief we'll run.
We will shelter her with tenderness
We'll love her while we may,
And for the happiness we've known
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for her
Much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand.
~Author Unknown

Better Week

2010-03-12T21:37:00.003-05:00

I have had a better week. Last week was my first week back at work. The teachers and students were wonderful, but I was having a hard time moving on and starting a new chapter after Sydney Grace. This week I think I have come to terms with my new reality. I still have moments that it hits me like a ton of bricks that Sydney Grace is gone. Just this afternoon I was pumping gas, and I almost starting crying. Who knows why? Nothing had happened. No one had said anything, but Sydney Grace popped in my mind and I so desperately wanted her.

Part of my good week was being able to take Rafe to see the high school musical of Willy Wonka. Rafe absolutely LOVES this movie. He was so excited seeing all the characters. There were little kids who played squirrels. He is now saying he wants to be in the play next year. Those of you who knows Rafe, knows that he loves to act. He will act out entire scenes from movies, word for word. He has always been like this. Of course, I am his mother and biased, but I really think he is very talented. I know, I know! All mothers probably think the same thing about their kids.

We are actually in Wilmington tonight. Joel has a conference down here, so Rafe and I drove down after school today. Rafe is so excited because he got to go swimming with his daddy in the pool. That is definitely their favorite thing to do when we stay at a hotel. Tomorrow we are going to probably see the USS North Carolina. I hope Rafe likes it.

Finally, thanks to everyone who has bought raffle tickets for the computer. We are raising lots of money for the hospital.

Raffle

2010-03-08T22:33:00.003-05:00

As everyone knows by now, we are trying to raise money for the nursery and labor/delivery departments at Carteret General. There has been some things mentioned as to what to do with the money. One being possibly having a pediatric division of the Carteret County Hospice. Luckily, pediatric hospice is something that is not needed often here, but when it is, it is not available. We were trying to get services for Sydney, but never did before she passed due to insurance not wanting to pay for out of network services. Our family was lucky, we had a great support system where Sydney always had at least two adults with her at all times. There may be some families in the county that might not be so lucky.

Because of this we are trying to raise more money. My parents have purchased and donated a laptop computer to be raffled.

HERE IS WHAT YOU WILL WIN:
Dell Vostro 1520 Laptop Computer LOADED
Pentium T6670
2.2 GHz
4GB DDR2
800 MHz
320 GB Hard Drive
Windows 7 Professional
Cherry Red
Bluetooth Mod
8x DVD RW
Wireless card
9 cell battery
15.4" Anti glare screen

Chances are $20 each
OR 3 for $50
OR 7 for $100

If you want to have a chance to win the laptop, mail your check (made payable to Carteret General Hospital Foundation-Nursery, memo: Sydney Grace) to:

Glenn Lowe
P. O. Box 391
Harkers Island, NC 28531

Rafe will draw the winner on his birthday (April 4th) and I will notify the winner personally and make arrangements for delivery.

Two Months

2010-03-07T23:02:00.009-05:00

Sydney Grace would have been two months old today. I wonder how big she would have been. She was so little when she was born (4 lbs 3.8 oz) and had gotten down to 3 lbs 12 oz. I wonder if she would have hit the 5 lb mark. I wonder if she would have been drinking from a bottle and not having to use the feeding tube. There are a lot of "I wonders..."

We had a pretty good weekend. It started off Friday with me visiting my cousin in the hospital after she had a beautiful baby boy. His name is Kenan Gage and was born 9 lbs 4oz. He has blond hair and I think looks like his uncle, Kenneth. Savannah, his older sister absolutely adores him. I did not know how I would feel visiting. I was really nervous I would breakdown walking up to the labor and delivery. I have to admit when I found out he was born, I did cry. I was wanting to have Sydney Grace back so badly. Gage being born brought back all the memories of Sydney's birth and our stay at the hospital. As I got off the elevator one of my favorite nurses was at the nurses station. When she saw me she got up and gave me a big hug. She made me feel so good. As I walked in the room I saw Gage, and I instantly wanted to hold him. There was no sadness for Sydney. I was holding another miracle of God.

Last night we had a party in honor of all the wonderful people that helped us with Sydney Grace. We honored the nurses and friends that made Sydney Grace's 20 days the best. I have talked before about how much I love the nurses at Carteret General. Last night three of those nurses were able to attend our party. I was so happy to see them again. We also had Hilary, Karen, Alan and Yvette, AnMarie, and all the Hancocks. These friends were so wonderful to our family during those twenty days and beyond. I have always heard the saying "you find out your true friends when times get tough.." Well we had so many friends support us through Sydney Grace's life. I don't know how we can ever thank them enough.

Today, within an hour of waking up our doorbell rang. Joel answered to find a flower delivery. We thought, "Who would be sending me flowers on a Sunday." It was my team at school, The Starfish. They knew today would have been Sydney Grace's two month birthday and sent me flowers. My team is the best. I was so blessed to be placed on the Starfish team when I was hired at the beginning of the year. My cup runneth over....

This afternoon I went to visit Sydney Grace's grave. When I got there I was surprised to see that her footstone had been placed. I was also surprised that I was actually not upset to see it there. I know some people might see their child's grave marker and be very upset. Upset to see their child's name on a grave. Of course I would give anything to have Sydney Grace back, but I saw her marker as another way to show this world that she lived. That she will never been forgotten. As others walk through the cemetery, they will see her name and know that there was a little girl that graced our presence for twenty wonderful days. They might never know what a miracle she was, but they will know that she was "our borrowed angel."

Aly's Photos

2010-03-05T21:55:00.006-05:00

This week has been interesting. Getting back to work has been great. I LOVE my school. My coworkers are great. They are so supportive. The students are wonderful. They have been so good. They are amazing kids. With school being so good, it is weird to say that this has been one of my hardest weeks since losing Sydney Grace. I have cried more this week than in the past couple of weeks. I am really missing her.

Yesterday I got a treat. Aly came over to my house to share all the photos she took of Sydney. ALMOST 3000! I loved looking at them. Now I have to decide what pictures to buy. There are so many, I don't know how I will ever be able to make a decision.

Speaking of Aly, I finally got the slide show she made for Sydney Grace's wake on youtube. They are also on the sidebar under "Videos." Remember to turn off the music on my playlist at the bottom of the blog before you watch the videos on the side bar.

Here are the links to the slide show. They are in two parts.

Tribute to Sydney Grace part 1 of 2

Tribute to Sydney Grace part 2 of 2

First Day Back

2010-03-01T20:41:00.004-05:00

I went to work today for the first time in 10 weeks. I cried all the way to work today. Not because I was not wanting to work, but because the last time I worked Sydney Grace was still with me. I also think by going to work today I was starting a new phase of my life without Sydney. For the past few weeks I have been at home consumed with things to do with Sydney Grace. I have been working on the blog, writing thank you notes, sending out announcements, organizing her clothes and gifts, and starting her scrapbook. It has all been about Sydney Grace. It made me sad today because it occurred to me that Sydney Grace was not going to be my daily focus anymore. It was like I was losing her all over again.

When I got to school, I was welcomed so warmly. The teachers had a welcome back breakfast in my honor. It was so nice to feel so loved and supported by so many people. I think most of my students were really excited to see me (that makes me feel so good.) I had students give me cards and presents. Two student went together and gave me another Willow Tree statue called "Surrounded by Love." Once again, Willow Tree has a statue to fit every situation. I was surrounded by love today and I really felt it.

I decided to show my students a slide show of Sydney Grace. I wanted to share this with them so they could see what a miracle she was. I never talked about my pregnancy while I was teaching, because I did not want to upset the students and I did not want to get upset myself. I told the students today I never shared with them because I never knew when Sydney would pass away. It was too painful to talk about it with them. I showed them the slide show because I really wanted them to share in my love for Sydney Grace. I wanted them to see who they all had been praying for during those 20 days. I told them I did not want them to be sad but, happy. Happy because we did get a miracle. Something we never thought we would have.

It is good to be back at work. I can't wait for tomorrow!

The Choice I never thought I would have to consider…

2010-02-27T22:35:00.006-05:00

Today it has been one month since Sydney Grace became an angel. It seems like it was just yesterday I was holding her in my arms. Days are getting easier. I plan on starting back to work on Monday. I really have missed my friends and students.

As promised here is the next part of Sydney Grace's story before she was born. I hope to finish her story in a few days.....

We went to a specialist in Jacksonville on August 20, 2009. While we were waiting to see the doctor, I noticed a sign they had posted in the waiting room. It asked for patience while waiting reminding us that some women may be getting bad news even the death of their child. For some reason it did not occur to me that the sign was talking about us.

When we were finally called back, we saw a technician that took measurements and told us we were having a girl. When she left, a genetic counselor came in. She was extremely nice and caring, but she started talking about Trisomy 18. I had absolutely no clue what she was talking about. I had never heard of it before. I did know that trisomy 21 was Down syndrome, so I thought it might be something very similar. Then she said the words that I was not prepared for, “Trisomy 18 is Fatal in the majority of cases.” I was completely shocked. I did not even cry. It was like she was talking about someone else. Not me and my baby. Then the doctor came in. He did another ultrasound and starting pointing out why he thought Sydney Grace had T18. He talked about the cysts on her brain and how her brain was not formed right in the front. He talked about her heart and how the only thing that would fix it was a transplant. He talked about her fingers and how her pinky and index fingers overlap the others. He talked about my placenta and how it was shaped different. He said normal placentas were shaped kind of like a sheet cake and my placenta was like a cupcake shape. Still this whole time I did not cry.

Next the doctor told me my choices. The reason I got to see the doctor so fast was because he wanted me to have the choice to terminate if I wanted to. In North Carolina, I believe he said I had until 20 weeks and 6 days to have a late term abortion. I was 19 weeks and 1 day. Of course he did not try to persuade me, he was very caring. He just wanted me to have the option if that was what we decided. He recommended an amino to be sure. We decided to have the amino. Let me say it HURT. They told me it would feel like cramps. I was thinking menstrual cramps. I thought no big deal. Not so. After it was over, I told them it felt like someone was tying my intestines in knots. Of course I could not move and all I wanted to do was to jump off the table. This is when I started crying. Crying from physical pain and crying that I was going through this. I was looking at the ceiling during the amnio thinking, I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe it was happening to me. I hear about other women with difficult pregnancies or miscarriages, but I never thought I would be one of them. We found out a week later that Sydney Grace had full Trisomy 18, meaning she had it in every cell of her body. It is possible to have mosaic trisomy 18 were it is not present in every cell.

I could not believe having an abortion was even an option for me. That was something I definitely never thought I would ever have to think about. Of course, it was not something I thought about long. How could I ever decide to kill my child? It was not my decision when Sydney Grace would die. It was God’s only.

Now I am going to share something that I am ashamed to say. When we did the amnio the doctor told me that they bring a small risk of a miscarriage. I could not make the decision to abort my child but I was hoping I would have a miscarriage. That first day, I could not imagine how I was going to get through this pregnancy. I just wanted it to be over. The doctor went through what could happen through the rest of my pregnancy. There was a good chance I could still miscarry. If I did not miscarry, I had a good chance of going into preterm labor, probably between 28-32 weeks. If Sydney was still alive during labor she would probably die during childbirth. And if she actually made it through the delivery she would only live for minutes, not even hours.

Knowing all this, probably for the first week I wanted to miscarry. I was really feeling sorry for myself. I was the one that had to carry this baby that was not going to survive. I had to feel her move inside me. I had to be the one that would be approached by strangers and answer questions about the sex of the baby or when I was due. I was the one that had to live with this 24/7, without a break. All I had to do was look down at my growing belly to be reminded. I never could escape from the pain of it all. I wanted it over.

Probably about a week later it occurred to me. I was the lucky one. I was lucky because I was the one that got to feel her move inside me. I was the one that got to feel her grow inside me. I was the one that got to be with her 24/7. I was definitely the lucky one. Others in my family would only be able to experience Sydney Grace for minutes (so we thought) but I would be able to experience her for months. What a blessing!

Throughout the rest of my pregnancy, I had my ups and downs. It was still very hard. One thing that really helped me get through it was my work. When I first found out about Sydney having T18, I was really close to calling my principal and saying I was sorry but I would not be able to work this year. I just did not see how I would do it. I was so afraid I would have a breakdown in front of my students. When the first day of school came, I made myself get up and go. I cried all the way to school, but when I got there and met my students, I knew I had made the right choice. Being at school was an escape from my pain. For those 8 hours a day I was able to focus on my kids and math.

The last 10 weeks of my pregnancy were the hardest….

A Celebration of the life of Jimmie Fodrie

2010-02-26T20:50:00.003-05:00

Mr. Fodrie's service will be tomorrow at 11am at Carteret Memorial Gardens.

James Edward Fodrie Jr. was born December 12, 1931 to Grace and James Fodrie Sr. in Beaufort. He was watched over by his beloved sister, Jean. While he was not running the streets from Beaufort to Core Creek, he attended Beaufort Graded School where he made many friendships that would last a lifetime. After graduation he attended Atlantic Christian College, attaining a teaching degree in math (he also claimed to have attended Duke, Chapel Hill, and East Carolina). Jimmie’s career began with his first job working as a delivery boy for James Potter. He served in the United States Army and was a principal, teacher, coach, and restaurant manager/investor.

One of Jimmie’s most outstanding qualities was his generosity. Christmas at the Fodrie house put Santa Claus’ workshop to shame. He was a generous contributor to many charities and enjoyed raising funds to enable students to participate in school events. Jimmie was always willing to give his last dollar to anyone in need. He also greatly enjoyed donating to the “Domino Club” kitty each week.

Jimmie was well-known for his wit and sense of humor. Never one to let the truth get in the way of a good story, he loved nothing better than spinning tall tales about his childhood. Stories about his adventures growing up rivaled any told by Mark Twain. He captivated many students with his “Ooga-Ooga” story and tales of camping on Shackelford and exploits in the Beaufort gym.

Jimmie’s contemporaries remember him as a naturally gifted athlete who excelled in basketball, baseball, football, softball, and golf. Highlights of his athletic career included playing semi-pro basketball and baseball, competing in the barehanded softball world series, and scoring two holes in one. He was well-known for shooting half-court hook shots through the rafters of the Beaufort gym. He shared his passion for sports with countless young people as a coach. He demanded the best from his players and led them to achieve record successes. His dedication to his players extended beyond the court as he provided his time and energy to helping them receive scholarships and career opportunities. Jimmie maintained life-long friendships with many of his players and considered them to be his “boys.”

He is survived by his children, Jamison Fodrie Ipock, James Edward Fodrie III, and Fredrick Joel Fodrie; and three grandchildren, Jessica Grace Robinson, William Jesse Ipock IV, and Hubert Glenn Rafe Fodrie. He was preceded in death by his parents; his wife, Freda Kay Fodrie; his sister, Jean Fodrie Musselwhite; and his granddaughter, Sydney Grace Fodrie.

Sydney Grace Welcomes her Granddaddy to Heaven

2010-02-24T19:11:00.004-05:00

Thank you everyone for your continued prayers for our family. Joel's dad passed away today. I would like to share a comment someone made today on facebook that made me feel good.

I can see Sydney taking Jimmie's hand and showing him all over Heaven..."look over here, Grandpa!"

Because of Mr. Fodrie's illness, he only got to meet Sydney Grace one time. Now Sydney Grace has her Nana Kay and her Granddaddy to hold her in heaven.

Ribbon Magnet

2010-02-21T15:59:00.005-05:00

Several people have shown interest in purchasing a Ribbon Magnet in honor of Sydney Grace. I have been playing around with the design. It has to be light blue since that color represents Trisomy 18 awareness. Which one do you like better? Please let me know if you are willing to buy one. I have not ordered any yet. I want to get an idea on how many I should order and what they should cost to be able to make money to send to the hospital.

I have placed two polls on the side bar for you to vote.
Thank you so much for all the ideas for fundraising. I will definitely be looking into it.

Here are the ribbons.

CGH-Nursery & Labor/Delivery Nurses

2010-02-20T10:19:00.012-05:00

When Sydney Grace passed, we asked for donations to the hospital in lieu of flowers. Here is the reason why...

Carteret General Hospital Nursery and Labor/Delivery nurses are the best ever. We were at the hospital for 10 days and they were so good to us. Not just to Sydney and I, but my entire family.

Two nurses actually delivered Sydney Grace. At 5:00am I was 4cm, and Sydney was born about 10 minutes later. Everything happened so fast that the doctor did not make it in time. These nurses were so wonderful to me during the whole night of labor. They are my heroes.

After going to Sydney Grace's cardiologist and receiving news we did not want to hear and witnessing Sydney's first apnea episode, I felt the worst I had ever felt in my life. I was in a deep depression. The next day, I still felt terrible until a another nurse walked in. She did something that no other could do. She made me smile. Just by her walking in, she made me laugh. She had the best sense of humor.

Another instance, was one night in the hospital Sydney was having terrible apnea episodes every 1-2 hours lasting sometimes 30 minutes. Our nurses that night would sit in the room with us and pray silently during Sydney Grace's episodes. One nurse even made me and Sydney a mother/daughter bracelet that night.

Two nurses brought food to our house after we left the hospital. We could not ask for better people.

As of today, the CGH Foundation has received many donations in Sydney Grace's name. They deserve so much recognition. If anyone would still like to make a donation in her name you can. Please send it to: Carteret General Hospital Foundation – Nursery, 3500 Arendell St., Morehead City, N.C. 28557.

I was actually trying to think of a fundraiser we could do in Sydney Grace's name. The proceeds would be given to the hospital. Does anyone have any ideas?? If you do, please leave a comment.

Lastly, my sister and I made a Trisomy 18 awareness ribbon. We were thinking of getting car magnets. Here it is.

UNC visit

2010-02-19T20:43:00.007-05:00

First let me thank everyone for your encouraging comments on my last post. I hope to finish our story in a few days...

Yesterday, Rafe and I went with Joel to Chapel Hill. Joel has to go once a week to teach his class. He thought it would be good for us to get away. He was right. Rafe and I went to the plantarium. He loved the show "Earth, Moon, and Sun." It was nice walking around the campus showing Rafe where Joel and I went to school and lived for four years.

Of course, we had to shop for our Carolina gear. Rafe and I loaded up on tshirts and other Carolina items. I could not leave Sydney Grace out. I found a cute picture frame to put a picture of her in.

As well as yesterday went, it still hits me sometimes like a ton of bricks that Sydney is gone. As we were eating dinner last night, I was looking across at Joel and Rafe sharing their meal and it hit me that I was by myself. It was supposed to be Sydney and me(the girls) on the other side.

I have been really selfish lately thinking about all I am going to miss with Sydney. I am going to miss dance classes, clothes shopping, pedicures and all the girly things I was looking forward to doing with her. I don't know how to get over those feelings. I guess I need to focus more on the positive, but it is really hard three weeks out of Sydney passing. Anyway....

Here are some pictures of our trip to Chapel Hill yesterday and a picture of Sydney Grace in the Carolina picture frame. Sydney's picture is the only one I have of her in her Carolina toboggan. Sorry for the poor quality. I forgot my camera and had to use my iphone.

The Day Our Lives Changed Forever

2010-02-17T09:20:00.007-05:00

Back when we first found out about Sydney Grace, my sister said I should start a blog. I have never been into blogging, facebook, or anything like it before. I never started the blog and it was not until after Sydney was born did our friend Hilary start this one. Since Sydney passed, I have found it very good for me to write down what I am going through. I decided to go back from the very beginning and write down Sydney Grace's story. I plan on writing down all the events before Sydney's birth. I would like to share with you what I have so far.

Day 1
The day our lives changed forever….
It was August 19, 2009, and I was 19 weeks pregnant. I had my ultrasound scheduled for 9:00am. Joel met me at the doctor’s office. I remember waiting and the only thing on my mind was whether or not we would find out the sex of the baby. I so wanted a girl. We already had Rafe and two nephews, so everyone was ready for a girl again. I had myself convinced it was going to be a boy.

They called us back after not having to wait very long. When we walked into the room I recognized the technician as a lady from the island and my church. She started the ultrasound. At first everything seemed fine. She was doing all the measurements and said she was a little small. Sydney was measuring two weeks too small. She did not seem concerned about it. When I had my 8 week ultrasound, Sydney measured 4 days too small. I questioned the doctor about this. He said it was perfectly normal and he was not going to change my due date. We later found out that one of the signs, of Trisomy 18, is the baby measuring small.

The technician had asked at the beginning of the ultrasound if Rafe was excited and what he wanted, a sister or a brother. From the time we found out I was pregnant, Rafe wanted a sister. She could not tell for sure if Sydney was a girl, but said Rafe may have gotten his wish.

Things started getting worrisome when the technician started looking at Sydney Grace’s brain. She said Sydney had two cysts on her brain. She said more babies have these than you realize and they were more than likely harmless, but we would probably be sent to a specialist just to make sure. The rest of the ultrasound went ok until the very end. She could never get good images of Sydney’s heart. She tried for several minutes, trying from several angles and trying to get Sydney to turn around. Finally she stopped, but never said anything was wrong. She went to go get the doctor like normal to go over everything with us. She said we might have to wait awhile for the doctor since she was seeing another patient.

Surprisingly, the doctor came in quick. She was very nice and caring. She started going over the ultrasound pictures. At first everything seemed fine, then everything went wrong. She got to the pictures of my placenta. She said it had things called placental lakes in them. They showed up on the ultrasound as dark spots on my placenta. Next she started looking at the shots of her heart. She stopped and starting pointing at the screen. She said Sydney had a hypoplastic right ventricle. What does that mean? Her right ventricle is not formed. At this point I started crying. I don’t think it hit Joel yet. She continued to talk about her brain and the cysts. I knew it was bad. The doctor said she was very concerned. Joel asked what that meant. She said it was more than likely some chromosomal defect. Like Down Syndrome, we asked. She said yes, but there were other chromosomal problems that were possible. She referred us to a specialist who would be able to help us.

I was upset, but Joel was very positive. He knew something was wrong, but he knew we could handle it. He said God would not give us anything we could not handle. If Sydney had Down Syndrome, then it was our job to help her reach her full potential. He was looking forward to having this special child. That night as we talked to our family, my sister told me about a lady that she worked with. This lady has a special needs child. The lady says a lot of people ask “Why us” to God, but she realized one day, “Why not us.” When she said this to me, I realized God chose us for a reason. We did not know the reason, but we trusted in God. Why not us?

The next day we had an appointment with the specialist. They called me at 9 am in the morning and asked that we come in that day. I remember thinking they were being so nice because they knew school started in a few days and I needed to be seen before I started teaching. I was wrong. They needed me to come in that day because something was really wrong and I had choices to make…

Living with Grace

2010-02-16T16:42:00.003-05:00

I visited another T18 baby's blogspot today. Her name is Gracie and she passed away in December. I saw this quote that I thought was once again very true to what I am feeling and going through.

.......To live with the conscious knowledge of the shadow of uncertainty, with the knowledge that disaster or tragedy could strike at any time; to be afraid and to know and acknowledge your fear, and still to live creatively and with unstinting love: that is to live with Grace. Peter Henry Abrahams

Thank you all for your prayers and comments. I am feeling a little better this afternoon. One day at a time....

Not So Good Days

2010-02-16T07:59:00.002-05:00

When I started writing on Sydney Grace's blog I wanted it to be positive. I want it to focus on the Miracle of Sydney Grace and how she has affected our lives. I know I have had some not so positive posts. Today would be one of those. I have decided not to elaborate, but only to say yesterday and today I have been feeling sorry for myself. I will ask for your continued prayers and hope for a better day.

Note: I did add on the sidebar a link to Aly Dart's Photos of Sydney Grace. They are so beautiful. I could look at them all day.

Angel of Mine

2010-02-14T20:50:00.008-05:00

Sorry in advance. This post is all over the place. I have a lot of things to talk about and pictures to share.

I love Willow Tree. Since Sydney Grace's birth, I have received "Angel of Grace," "New Parents," and "Miss You" figurines. Joel gave me a new one today for Valentine's Day. When I saw the name of it, I wanted to cry. It is called "Angel of Mine." It could not be anymore perfect. It is a mother holding an infant child.

When Rafe saw it, he asked what it was. He loves to ask a million questions. He wanted to know who the woman was supposed to be. I said me. Then he asked about the baby. He wanted to know if it was him. I said it could be him or Sydney Grace. When Rafe and I talk about Sydney Grace being in heaven, we talk about her being an angel, our borrowed angel. I tell Rafe I am so lucky because I have two angels. Sydney Grace, my angel in heaven, and Rafe, my angel on earth.

I have said often in the past few weeks how lucky I am to be the mother of Sydney Grace. I am also lucky to be the mother of Rafe. He is so smart and curious. I don't want people to think he is perfect, he is not. He can be like any normal child; sassy, stubborn, wild...but, he can also be the most loving and caring child. He is genuinely concerned about my feelings. If I am sad, then he will be sad. He wants me to be happy. He wants to take care of me. If I am feeling bad, then he wants to rub my back or get me a drink. He is definitely a mama's boy. He is definitely my angel.

We visited Sydney Grace's grave today. It was so gorgeous. The snow was still covering the ground and her pink and white flowers just look beautiful against the snow. I bought her a Valentine's Day present a week after she passed away. It is an angel entitled "Daughter's Angel." I wanted Sydney to have a present from her mommy and daddy.

I so miss her. I still have the aching in my heart. I want to hold her. I can still feel her against my chest or her cheek against mine. She absolutely loved to be held like that.

As I was downloading pictures from my camera of the snow, I came across two pictures that I took of Sydney Grace the third night she was home. She looked so good. This was before she became dehydrated. Her cheeks were so fat and her color was so good. This is how I want to remember her by.

Rafe's Favorite Part of the Day

2010-02-13T22:51:00.002-05:00

I asked Rafe what his favorite part of today was. He replied,"When the blue boat broke." It actually was not a boat, but a little baby swimming pool. Here is a video of the "blue boat" breaking.

2010-02-13T22:47:00.002-05:00

Here are some pictures my mother took today.

Snow!!!!

2010-02-13T12:45:00.006-05:00

As most of you know, we rarely get snow here in Smyrna, NC. We thought we might get 1-2 inches, if any. Imagine our surprise when we woke this morning to 8-9 inches. Rafe has never seen snow before, so he was really excited. Here are a few pictures and video from our morning in the snow. The snow angel is in memory of Sydney Grace.

Rafe loves his sister

2010-02-10T23:43:00.002-05:00

Here is a video of Rafe loving on his sister.

Broken Heart

2010-02-10T23:09:00.004-05:00

Today, Rafe said one of the most heart breaking, yet special and touching things ever. I had to meet Joel at the funeral home to finish all the paper work from Sydney’s funeral. I had my mom pick up Rafe at preschool, so I could meet Joel. She got Rafe out of school, but I had to meet them to give my mom something. When I got there Rafe was hysterical. He was crying so hard for me. He usually loves being with my mom, but today he wanted me really bad. I got him in my car, and my mom followed me in hers. On the way to the funeral home, Rafe finally calmed down enough to talk to me. I asked him if he was feeling bad (he does have a cold.) He said yes. I was expecting him to say his throat hurts, his head hurts, or maybe even his tummy. What he said caught me off guard. He pointed to his chest and said his heart hurts. His heart? Why? Then he said the thing that broke my heart. He said his heart hurts because he wanted his baby, Sydney Grace. Then he started to cry again.

I know I have said this before, but Rafe LOVES his sister. He is such a wonderful big brother. He called Sydney Grace, his baby. He was constantly asking everyone, “Isn’t my baby pretty?” He loved to hold her and give her kisses.

Today I was having a pretty good day, even though I had to go to the funeral home. When Rafe said his heart hurts, it made me remember I was not the only one in pain. Of course, I realize I am not the only person that loves and misses Sydney, but sometimes I am consumed with my own grief that I don’t think about how others are dealing with the loss of Sydney Grace. Rafe is a normal three year old. Most of the time he is playing or watching his movies, but at any given moment he will stop and start talking about how much he wants his "Cindy" back.

We all are hurting. We all love Sydney and miss her. I know it has only been two weeks, but I am looking forward to the time when our grief is overtaken by all the wonderful memories we have of Sydney.

Last week I shared a poem that one of my students wrote. Another student sent me a poem yesterday. I want to share her poem so everyone can see what wonderful students I have.

Little Angel
Little angel sent from above,
Sydney Grace is so loved.
Tears have been shed,
but eyes have been opened
to see the beauty that God brings.
This little Miracle baby that you got to hold,
but God had to let her come back.
He couldn’t let you have her forever,
because heaven just wasn’t right without her.
Sydney Grace Fodrie will stay with us forever,
and I know she is looking down on you, smiling
and being proud she gets to call you her Mother.

I Will Carry You

2010-02-09T23:20:00.007-05:00

Back in September, my sister shared a song with me, “I Will Carry You” by Selah. She said, “This song is about you, Lindsey.” It was written about a group member’s family experience. The Smith family lost a child, Audrey Caroline, after a few hours of life. They, too, found out at their ultrasound that there was something wrong with their little girl. They had the same choices presented to them as we did. Like us, they chose life for their baby, however long it may be. That was God’s decision, not theirs or ours. When I heard the song back in the fall, I listened one time and could not bring myself to listen to it again. It brought too much emotion for me that I could not handle at the time.

I did not hear it again until after Sydney was born. When I listened to the words again, they just spoke to me. This was our song. I would play that song a lot as I would hold Sydney at night when everyone else had gone home and Joel and Rafe were asleep. As a matter of fact, we listened to that song as I rocked Sydney while her last breaths were slowing the night she passed. As I rocked Sydney and she was looking at me with her wide open eyes and the song was playing in the back, I just told Sydney that I loved her and it was ok to stop fighting. I said Rafe, daddy and me would be ok. A few minutes later Sydney took her last breath.

After Sydney was born and so many people were able to experience this Miracle from God, it occurred to me that God had actually chosen me to be her mother. What an honor! Of all the people in this world I was actually this child’s mother. It is a privilege to say that I am a mother of a child that touched so many and brought them closer to God. For that reason, I chose to have this song at Sydney’s funeral. The line that speaks the most to me is…

I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen Me
To carry you

During church this past Sunday, the pastor asked different ones to share a story about an experience in their life and how a song defines that event. As they were sharing stories about songs, "Love Lifted Me," "Victory in Jesus," and "Blessed Assurance," I started thinking about what song would define me and my life. It was really clear. “I Will Carry You” is that song. This song is about so many who chose life for their children when they were given other options. We all left the decision in the hands of God. I know my prayer at night over the past months has been “Thy will be done” and for God to give me the strength to be able to handle whatever happens.

Thank you Selah and the Smith family for sharing this beautiful song with the world and allowing it to not only be Audrey Caroline’s song but Sydney Grace’s and all the other babies that left us too soon.

In 1 Chronicles 16:9, the verse says “sing to Him; yes, sing His praises. Tell everyone about His wonderful deeds.”

I Will Carry You by Selah (This is the song that the blog opens with)

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I’m not
Truth is I’m barely hanging on
But there’s a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says…

I’ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen Me
To carry you

Grace

2010-02-07T20:06:00.005-05:00

Today, Sydney Grace would have been one month old. We have all been through a roller coaster of emotions over this past month. I can say it has been the best and worst month of my life. The best, because we had Sydney Grace twenty more days than we ever thought we would have. The worst, because I have had to bury a child.

When I first found out about Sydney Grace having Trisomy 18, I really did not want to look online about the disorder or even about other T18 babies. I just could not bring myself to do it. My sister found lots of information and would share it with me, but I was not ready to look for myself. Even up until Sydney was born, I did not view many things online. Now that Sydney has passed, I feel like my purpose is to find out more about Trisomy 18 and read about other families experiences. This is what fills my days. I spend countless hours looking at other blogs and working on Sydney’s. My new goal is to make as many people aware about Trisomy 18 as possible. I know when I found out about Sydney, I had never heard of T18. I had no clue what it meant.

Now that I have been spending so much time working on Sydney Grace’s blog, I have noticed something. It is no great discovery, but it is interesting. There is a large number of T18 girls with their first or middle name being Grace. Why is that? I know that we decided on Sydney Grace’s name before we even found about her having T18. We named her Grace in honor of her great grandmother, Grace Fodrie. I have always loved the name. Joel and I have been married for almost ten years, and we always have said if we ever have a girl, Grace will be part of her name. So why are there so many other girls with the name, Grace. I know it is a popular name, but I think there is more to it.

In Sydney Grace’s obituary, Aly Dart wrote this:
Sydney Grace's life has been a true testament of the power of prayer and the grace of a loving Father in Heaven. "Grace" has been defined as, "A divine means of help or strength given through the love and mercy of Jesus Christ." How fitting for this angel who has certainly allowed all within her reach to feel the love and mercy of Jesus Christ, to be named Sydney Grace. In times of weakness, she has given strength to her family. Because of her life, thousands have been brought to their knees in prayer. She has reminded us all of the words of our Savior in Matthew 19:14, "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

These special children do have a purpose. I know before Sydney was born, we really did not know what the reason was for her having Trisomy 18. Through Sydney Grace’s twenty days she touched thousands of people all over the world. She brought people closer to God through prayer. So many have shared with me how they have never prayed more than now, because of Sydney. My cousin, Corey, shared something with me at Sydney’s wake. He said “Sydney has made me want to be a better person.” That is the reason for Sydney Grace coming into this world.

It is no mistake that so many of these T18 babies have the name Grace. They have shown so many how to feel the love and mercy of Jesus Christ.

Thank you to Melanie, Noah, and Stephen from Chesapeake, VA. Joel, Rafe, and I went to Sydney's grave today. We found a little cherub at her grave from these wonderful people that we have never met. Sydney truly has touched so many.

Day full of emotions

2010-02-06T23:32:00.007-05:00

I woke today feeling the lowest I have since Sydney passed. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep. I made myself get out of the bed to cook Joel his Saturday morning breakfast. I never cook breakfast except on the weekends. Saturdays we have either french toast or pancakes, and Sundays we have cheese biscuits. Joel had to go to work today. He is under a lot of work related stress right now. So I made myself get up to cook him, Rafe, and Tyler (nephew) their breakfast. I stood frying bacon and crying. I kept looking over to where Sydney's glider used to be. The last time I cooked them breakfast, Sydney was still alive sitting in her glider.

After Joel went to work, Rafe went to a friend's house and Tyler was playing the Wii. I had the living room to myself. I was so down, I could not make myself do anything. I just stayed on the couch all morning long. Paige came over to help get Sydney's room organized. I could not bring myself to even think about it. I was stuck in this feeling of not really wanting to do anything or go anywhere.

The Hancock sisters came up with the idea of all of us going to a movie tonight. It was their mission to get me out of the house and have some fun. To tell you truth, the way I felt today, I really did not look forward to going. But once again, I made myself get ready and go. It was the best possible thing I could do. There ended up being eight of us going to the movie and we had dinner with two more friends. We saw "When in Rome." It was so funny. We all laughed so hard. Laughter really can be good medicine. The night ended with more laughter as Paige and I watched Joel pull Aly's car out of mud.

It is so funny that a day can start off so different than how it ended. I started off feeling so low and missing Sydney so much. I woke up with my sick stomach feeling (like butterflies) again and aching to hold her. I am getting ready to go to bed feeling so much better. Thank you to Paige, Emily, Joella, Aly, Ellen, Carrie, Ashley, Shanna, and Meredith for giving me a wonderful night.

Poem

2010-02-05T21:01:00.004-05:00

Here is a poem one of my students sent to me today. Can I say, I am so lucky to have students that care so much about me and Sydney Grace. I am truly blessed.

An angel sent down from above,
to shower all with God’s pure love,
Though longer we wish she could stay,
God wanted her back, so He took her away.
We all prayed, so hard and so long,
And God just took her. Isn’t that wrong?
No, because in those 20 days spent,
none of us have been so blessed.
She made us smile, she made us cry,
but most of all, she made us realize,
Life’s for appreciating moments and people, because
Sydney taught us the lesson that is love.

Borrowed Angels

2010-02-05T20:12:00.007-05:00

I want to share a conversation I had with Rafe today on the way to school. He wanted to listen to the song "Borrowed Angels." I asked why he wanted to listen to that song so much.

His reply, "because it is about my borrowed angel."

"Who is that?" I asked.

"My baby."

"Who?"

"My Cindy."

Rafe has always called Sydney Grace, Cindy. I told him that was fine with me. He then wanted to know if he was a borrowed angel. He continued to say something that melted my heart...

"When we all go to heaven we will all be borrowed angels."

Rafe is such a tender hearted and sweet boy. He loves his sister so much. He was never jealous of having a sibling. From the time we found out I was going to have a baby, Rafe has been so excited about being a big brother. He misses his baby sister so much. Sometimes Rafe stops what he is doing and just looks so sad. I ask him what is wrong and he will say, "I just want to hold my baby."

Here are the lyrics of "Borrowed Angel." Rafe is right, this song is about his "Cindy."
(It is also one of the songs on my playlist at the bottom of the blog.)

Borrowed Angels by Kristen Chenoweth

They shine a little brighter, they feel a little more
They touch your life in ways no one has ever done before
They love a little stronger, they live to give their best
They make our lives so blest, so why do they go so soon?
The ones with souls so beautiful
I heard someone say--

There must be Borrowed Angels, here in this life
They come along, into this world, and make this world bright
But they can't stay forever
Cause they're heaven sent
And sometimes, heaven needs them back again

They reach a little deeper, they see what's in your soul
And even when they leave you know, you'll never let them go
The world's a little richer, just cause they came along
Their love goes on and on, so why do they go so soon?
The ones with souls so beautiful. I heard someone say--

There must be Borrowed Angels, here in this life
They come along, into this world, and make this world bright
They can't stay forever, cause they're heaven sent
And sometimes, heaven needs them back again

How else can you explain why they're here and not here to stay?
I believe there must be, must be

Borrowed Angels, here in this life
They come along, into this world, and make this world bright
But they can't stay forever, cause there heaven sent
And sometimes heaven needs them back again.

Being Thankful

2010-02-04T16:34:00.009-05:00

Today has been a good day. I woke up this morning to sunshine. It is amazing how weather can affect your mood. Instead of focusing on all the negatives, I started thinking about the positives.

First I am thankful for all the wonderful video I do have of Sydney Grace. We took a lot of video the first two days we were at the hospital. For some reason, when I looked at my computer a few days ago I only had about half the videos. The others were on our external harddrive. Those were the ones that really focus in on Sydney. I did have videos of all those things that I mentioned in my blog entitled "Regrets." I do have video of her taking a bath, making her little noises and cries, opening her eyes, and making all her little expressions. Things I thought I would never see again, I did this morning!

I am thankful for Aly Hancock Dart and all her family. My mom and I went to Mrs. Susan's this morning to return a few things. Aly was there also. She has done such an amazing job. When we asked her to take photos of Sydney's birth a few month ago, I think we all thought she would only have to be there for an hour or two. Instead Aly, unselfishly, spent more hours than can be counted taking thousands of photos. She made a beautiful slide show of Sydney Grace for her wake. She even wrote Sydney's obituary. I will never be able to repay her. Aly comes from the best family. Mrs. Susan, Emily, and Joella all helped our family. From providing meals and the best homemade yeast rolls you could ever eat, to providing the music for the service, to getting the programs, the Hancocks really have shown me and my family the best kind of support: love.

I am thankful for all the labor and delivery nurses at Carteret General. I could get in trouble if I try to name them all so I won't. I am too afraid I will forget someone. Sydney was actually delivered by two of the best nurses. Sydney was so anxious to arrive that my doctor did not make it to the room in time. One of those nurses was actually here at my house several times just to check on me and Sydney. She was even here in the middle of night after Sydney passed. I had other nurses also visit with us once we got home and even provided us with a meal. One nurse made Sydney and I a mother/daughter matching bracelet. I never took it off Sydney and she was actually buried with it. I can never say enough about all the nurses. They took such great care of Sydney, me and my family. I don't know how we will ever repay them.

I am thankful for the best peditrician I could ever ask for Sydney Grace. This man showed so much love for our family. He only wanted what was best for Sydney's comfort. I could call him at any hour and he would drop what he was doing just to talk to me about any of my concerns. If I did not call him, then he would call just to check in. As I said at Sydney's funeral, my heart wants to burst when I think about Dr. Rule. He is the BEST!

I am thankful for Hilary. She has so unselfishly done so much for me and my family. The morning Sydney was born, she so graciously started updating facebook and made a fan page for her. As the days have gone by we have seen Sydney's fans increase daily. Hilary also started this blog for us. At the time of Sydney's birth until her death, I didn't have much time to update, but because of Hilary, so many people were able to share in our miracle. I am grateful for that.

I am thankful for our family. Joel and I have been so supported. From staying to the hospital with us, to helping with Rafe, to cleaning and cooking, they have all been here for us. We have grown closer as family through all of this. I am thankful for Joel and Rafe. Joel has allowed me to go through all the emotions over the past five months. He has been there for me as I have cried, yelled, or just been silent in my grief. I love him so much. Rafe... he is what has kept me going. As I tell him he is the best little Rafe that I know.

Today is a day of thanks, no regrets.

A Bad Day

2010-02-03T17:44:00.007-05:00

It has been one week. One week since I held my baby. One week since I gave her kisses. One week since I had to hand her over to Joel to take to the funeral home. It is hard to believe it has been that long. My arms still ache to hold her.

It seems my days are getting harder instead of easier. When Sydney Grace first passed away, I had a mission. I had to make preparations for her wake and funeral. I did not have time to stop and think about anything else. Everyone said how strong I was during this time. I don't think they would say that about me now.

Today, my mom and I went to Sydney's grave to clean it up. We got all the dead flowers away and rearranged the remaining. The whole time I was thinking "I can't believe I am having to do this." I never imagined I would have to bury a child. It is the worst feeling ever. I have this constant sick stomach feeling. It has not gone away since Sydney left us. I never thought losing her would bring such physical pain.

After cleaning up the grave, mom treated me to a pedicure. During it a Josh Grobin song, "Where You Are" came on. I just sat there as the lady was painting my toes and cried. That is how my day has been. On the verge of tears. I am looking forward to better days, but I don't know when they will be.

I know I am feeling sorry for myself. I know my precious angel is in a better place. Sydney had to go through a lot in her twenty days here. More than most of you can ever imagine. Her apnea episodes were the worst thing most of my family have ever witnessed. I know she is not feeling anymore pain. She is not struggling to get a breath. This is what I have to keep reminding myself.

Thanks to all the wonderful people leaving me such amazing comments. They are a great help to me. I have never loved to write, but my sister suggested I write on the blog as a form of therapy. I believe she is right. It is a great outlet for me.

Thank you for your continued prayers. Tomorrow will hopefully be a brighter day.

Love to all,
Lindsey

Regrets

2010-02-02T16:59:00.013-05:00

When we found about Sydney Grace having Trisomy 18 at my 19 week ultrasound and about her severe heart defects, we started planning. We did not want to have any regrets. We talked to all the doctors about our wishes. We talked to the funeral home about the service. We planned for our friend, a professional photographer, to take pictures at the hospital. We bought Sydney a christening gown to be buried in, and we even had a few other outfits for her to wear just in case she survived a few hours. We thought we had everything planned and ready to go whenever Sydney decided to be born.

However, Sydney decided to surprise us all. She was not ready to leave us right when she was born as we thought. We never imagined we would actually be able to take her home with us. Most of the plans we had made before she was born were now changed. And we were so happy to change all our preparations. We had to buy clothes, diapers, wipes, a bassinet, and all the things we never thought we would need. Let me just say, Sydney Grace had every preemie outfit from all the stores in this county.

When we did bring her home, I think my head went out the window. We all were so excited to have Sydney Grace home, all we did was hold her. She was rarely put down. As a matter of fact, the last few days of her life, she would get so upset if she was put in her bassinet or glider. We spoiled her rotten, but she deserved it.

Here is my big regret... We never took video of Sydney once we got home from the hospital. What was I thinking??

I was looking at the videos from the hospital this morning on my computer for the first time. It occurred to me that there was no video of her at home, at all. I physically felt ill. I was so upset with myself. When Rafe was born, we have so much video of him the first few weeks. From his first bath, to changing diapers, to laying in his bassinet, to just being held. Why did we not do this with Sydney? We knew that we probably would not have her for long, yet I never once thought about videoing. Sydney took her first and last bath in a little tub about six hours before she passed away. The only thing I have is a picture from my phone camera. She was so cute in it too. She did not cry, like her big brother Rafe did with his first bath. She was so relaxed. She had her little legs crossed and propped up on the side of the tub.

I guess the reason why I am so upset is that we only had her for 20 days, which I realize is a wonderful gift from God, but I am really afraid I will forget things. All her little sounds and cries, her expressions, the way she would do her mouth when she was hungry, the way she would put her hands to her face, the way she would move her arms and legs... Basically everything that photos will not pick.

I realize that some people will say that I should be thankful for all the memories I do have. Aly took approximately 3000 wonderful photos. I have all her clothes and blankets to smell. I have her foot prints, some of her hair and many other things. Most importantly I had twenty days more that most T18 parents have with their babies. And I am extremely thankful and grateful to God for letting me have all these memories. That being said, when I found out about Sydney, from the very beginning I would say over and over, "I do not want to have any regrets," but unfortunately I do.

Daughter's Angel

2010-02-01T13:31:00.005-05:00

I took Rafe to preschool this morning. He had not been to school since last Monday. He did not want to go as usual (of course, he loves it once he gets there), but I convinced him by letting him take a rose to his little girlfriend. We have so many bouquets of flowers from Sydney's funeral. Rafe loves to pick at the flowers and give them to me. I suggested he give one to Shelby, his girlfriend. When we got to school we found out it was her birthday today. His teacher said she wished she videoed him giving her the rose. It was just precious.

While Rafe was at school, I decided to go buy him his Valentine's Day gifts. While I was shopping for cards, I saw a card for a baby girl's first Valentine's day. I could not help myself, I had to buy it. Some might say that was a silly thing to do, but I want her to have a card and gift just like Rafe. I started thinking about what I could get her. I thought of stuffed animals, but I knew they would not last long at her grave. I decided to buy a little angel for her. It is entitled "Daughter's Angel". The tag says "A daughter fills our hearts with joy, and spreads love everywhere." I thought that was so appropriate for Sydney Grace. She spread so much love to everyone that knew of her. As someone told me while shopping, "She was our little girl." This lady had never met Sydney Grace, but that is how she felt about her. That is how everyone felt about her.

Sydney Grace's Impact on Our Lives

2010-01-31T14:28:00.008-05:00

Jamison (Sydney's aunt) shared this with me today. I asked if she would mind if I shared this with everyone. This once again shows how much impact Sydney made here with her short time on earth. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did. Lindsey

On January 7 at 5:11 am Sydney Grace Fodrie was born into our family. Like her namesake, Grace Fodrie, Sydney Grace was destined to be a great educator. She may have only had 20 days, but in her brief time on earth Sydney taught us all so many invaluable lessons.
Sydney Grace’s life reminded us all of how very precious each day should be. She was such a fighting little spirit. No one could have struggled to stay alive harder than she. Many, many, many, times we thought that it was her last moment. She continued to surprise us all by working so hard for one more breath and then another. To see that tiny sick body cycle from dusty purple to pink over and over, to see her work for a little more time to be with her family, to see this taught me to appreciate every moment of each day more.

Sydney Grace’s story touched so many hearts and inspired a network of support that spanned the entire world. The outpouring of love for her and her family was almost beyond comprehension. Letters, blogs, Facebook fans, prayers, phone calls, cards, visits, gifts, blankets, and the most delicious meals showered down. The great outpouring of love from friends, family, and even total strangers sustained our bodies (Light Rolls, Chew Bread, casseroles and more) and our souls throughout her life. Sydney Grace taught me so much about how to care for others. There are so many times when I have not known what to do or say when a friend or a family member was hurting and so I was silent. From her I’ve learned that the words “I’m thinking of you” are powerful and strong. I learned the power and the blessing of “being there.”

As Sydney Grace’s story unfolded I learned so much about each person’s hidden potential. After the first sonogram Joel called to tell me the doctors had seen some problems. He said that for about 30 seconds he was disappointed and worried about the demands a special needs child would present. Then he said that he realized every child is born with challenges and gifts. He said, “It is each parent’s job to help their child meet his or her fullest potential, whatever that potential may be. ” I am still awed by the wisdom and bravery of these words. Joel and Lindsey accepted the job of raising a child with severe challenges. They accepted that Sydney’s potential may have been only to breathe a few seconds. They were still determined to give Sydney her chance. When I first saw this tiny four pound child I could not have dreamed the impact she would have on her world. None of us could have imagined that Sydney would have the power to touch more lives in her twenty days than most people do in their entire lifetimes. I thank Sydney for making me realized I can never know the true potential, unseen and unimaginable, inside each person.

There are so many lessons of love I have learned from Sydney. I learned so much of the love of a mother as I watched strength flow from Sheri to Lindsey, from Lindsey to Sydney, from Sydney to the world. I have seen sisterly love as Lindsey, Paige, and Jessica leaned on each other, forming a triangle of strength. I saw love spring to life, instant and strong, in the eyes of my Jessica, as she held Sydney in her arms for the first time. I watched Joel and Glenn watch over their women with such love and concern and turned to see that same look in J and Will’s eyes. I so appreciate Kayla being there even when she was recovering from surgery. I have learned how friends carry you through the darkest times with love. I feel such gratitude for the kindness of the Hancock family, Hilary, Janet, Josie, and so many more. I learned love makes laughter bubble up in the worst minutes and most awkward moments, transforming them into sweet memories.

Lindsey spoke at Sydney’s funeral to say, “So to those of you that might fear we did not get the miracle we all prayed for, I say we received the full measure of that miracle and more.” I so agree. I am so humbled to have witnessed so many miracles throughout Sydney’s short life. Thank you, Sydney Grace. Thank you for making me see the miraculous gift of each precious day. Thank you for teaching me so many things about the miracle inside a caring gesture. Thank you for making me realize that miraculous hidden potential may lie inside each of us. Most of all Sydney Grace, thank you so much for each of the 20 days in which you showed us all the miracle that is LOVE.

A Better Day

2010-01-31T11:43:00.004-05:00

Thanks everyone for your prayers. I feel them working. I am doing better today than yesterday. I know that could change any minute, but right now I am feeling ok.

Joel, Rafe and I visited Sydney's grave this morning. I wanted to make sure all her flowers were in place after all the rain and wind. Everything still looked perfect. I took some of the roses to hopefully dry and press. I am planning on making a scrapbook for Sydney and want to have the roses in it. I am so thankful that I have so many items and memories that I will be able to put in her book. I never thought I would have twenty days of memories.

Love to all,
Lindsey

My heart is aching..

2010-01-30T18:44:00.002-05:00

My heart is aching for Sydney Grace. One of Sydney's favorite positions was to lay on my chest. It seemed to comfort her the best. The night before she passed, the only way she would sleep was for me to rock her in my rocking chair with her against my chest. I feel like part of my chest is missing. It feels so empty inside. I know that as time goes by, my heart will heal, but at this moment I can't see when that will be.

Please continue to pray for us,
Lindsey

We did get our Miracle

2010-01-29T12:39:00.005-05:00

Some people might worry that we did not get the miracle that we all prayed for. However, when we found out that Sydney Grace had Trisomy 18, the doctors told us she would only survive minutes if any. Because of her extreme heart defects, I was hoping to be able to hold her even just once. Instead, I was able to hold her for twenty wonderful and amazing days. The doctors also thought she might never open her eyes. For some reason, that was one of the most upsetting things for me. I desperately wanted to see her eyes and my prayers were answered. I got to look into her eyes for 20 days. As she was taking her last breaths, and I was holding her, we just looked into each other eyes and it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. So to those of you that might fear we did not get the miracle we all prayed for, I say we received the full measure of that miracle and more.

Sydney Grace has touched so many lives in her short time. Joel and I have been amazed at the number of people that have been touched by Sydney Grace. I know that I will probably never touch the number of people all over the world that our precious Sydney has in her short time.

Of course, we all search for answers as we pass through difficult times in our lives. Both Joel and I trusted in God that there was a reason for Sydney to be sick. We knew that God would not give us anything that we could not handle. I believe the reason is that Sydney Grace brought so many people together and taught people about love. I feel very privileged to be her mother. It is an honor that God chose Joel and me to be her parents.

We want to thank everyone from labor and delivery at Carteret General. They treated us so well. We had the best nurses and doctors we could ever ask for, and we can never repay them. We want to thank Dr. Rule. My heart wants to burst when I think about all the support and love he showed Sydney Grace. We want to thank Aly Dart and Hilary Brindley. They have been so supportive of our family over the past three weeks. I don’t know how we will ever repay them. We want to thank all the church families across the state. Their prayers have uplifted our family. We want thank all the people that have shown us support by visiting in person or on facebook and the blog. It has been a great comfort to receive all the encouraging messages. Finally, Joel and I want to thank all our family. They have been a source of strength for us over the past five months.
So, please do not feel sorry for us. As I said before, it is a privilege to say that we are the family of Sydney Grace Fodrie.

Lindsey

Celebration of Life

2010-01-28T09:24:00.004-05:00

Lindsey, Joel, Rafe and their families are doing as well as can be expected. They all have their moments. The visitation for Sydney Grace will be tonight at Munden Funeral Home from 6-8pm and the Celebration of Life will be tomorrow at 11am at Carteret Memorial Gardens in Beaufort.

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the Carteret General Hospital Foundation - Nursery, 3500 Arendell Street, Morehead City, NC 28557.

Thank you all for your thoughtfulness and generosity.

Potential Gone

2010-01-28T00:20:00.000-05:00

Potential Gone

The future that I thought was bright,
now all looks dark without your light.
Potential gone; I cannot see
a future now for you, or me.

And yet; although your time was short,
and you didn't have the life you ought,
you brought me joy beyond compare
to counter now my dark despair.

You brought me hope for nine months long.
You placed within my heart a song.
A longer life was not to be.
So now, with prayers we set you free.

O God, please take this little life,
that won't now see a world of strife.
Surround your child with all your love,
and take her to your home above.

Dick Underwood 2008

Sydney Grace has passed

2010-01-27T07:02:00.001-05:00

At 2:07 am, our precious angel passed away in my arms. Sydney Grace left us peacefully without suffering. We were blessed to have her for 20 amazing days. When we found out about her Trisomy 18, we did not know the reason. We now know one of the reasons is that she would touch so many peoples' lives and brought so much love. Forever grateful, Lindsey, Joel and Rafe

Breathing Problems

2010-01-26T22:21:00.002-05:00

Sydney is not breathing well tonight and has had feeding and bowel problems today. Her breathing is more labored and that is with the oxygen on. She is having a lot of residual in her feeding tube and seems to be very constipated. Please be in prayer for them tonight.

What is a Miracle anyway?

2010-01-25T17:15:00.004-05:00

There has been so much talk about Sydney being a miracle, and rightly so. I decided to look up the word miracle in the dictionary. This is what it said.....

Miracle
–noun
1. an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.
2. such an effect or event manifesting or considered as a work of God.
3. a wonder; marvel.

Is that not the PERFECT definition of Sydney Grace!? Happy 18 day Birthday Sweet Girl!!

Lindsey emailed me this picture of her today. She is such a prissy girl!! She has had a very good day with no apnea episodes! Praise God for these wonderful days with Sydney Grace!

We Love Good Days!

2010-01-24T22:22:00.000-05:00

Sydney has had a pretty good day. She has had a few apnea episodes and has stayed on oxygen most of the day. Her new formula, nurtramigen, seems to be agreeing with her. She continues to have lots of visitors that love her very much! She is our MIRACLE and continues to amaze us each day! She is such a fighter! She is continuing to bring joy to our lives every minute that we have with her. Lindsey

What A Blessing!

2010-01-23T20:28:00.003-05:00

Sydney has had a few apnea episodes today, but nothing like a few days ago. She has definitely developed a little personality. She loves to be held and gets fussy when she is put down. Over the past 16 days we have experienced many highs and lows, but we would not trade these days for anything. As I have said before, we did not expect but a few minutes, if any, with her. She has blessed us more than words can say. Thank you for your continued prayers.

Lindsey (Sydney's Mom)

Home Again

2010-01-22T00:22:00.002-05:00

Sydney is back home and is on oxygen for the time being. She is being given pedialyte for the dehydration and her formula has been changed. Her color is much better now and the apnea has decreased considerably. Thanks so much for your prayers and HAPPY TWO WEEK BIRTHDAY SYDNEY GRACE!!

Hospital Visit

2010-01-21T14:34:00.003-05:00

Sydney was taken to the hospital last night for dehydration caused by diarrhea. She was given pedialyte through her feeding tube since they could not get an IV in her tiny veins. They have also been giving her oxygen which has helped with the apnea. She should be heading home shortly. Let's pray that the rest of today and tonight are a little more peaceful.....

Another Night

2010-01-20T22:48:00.001-05:00

Today Sydney has continued with apnea. She has not gone more than two hours without an episode since midday Monday. She must be exhausted and I'm certain her family is exhausted. Please pray for renewed strength as another long night approaches.

Sweet Big Brother

2010-01-20T15:17:00.001-05:00

Rafe is loving on his little sister today....

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Little Fighter

2010-01-19T23:25:00.002-05:00

Sydney Grace continues to fight through many apnea episodes. This is a message her mom wrote on Facebook a little while ago.....

"Sydney Grace is still having major apnea episodes with little time between them. I am planning on an all nighter. I just can't not hold her. I want her to feel her mommy with her at all times. Lindsey"

Please continue to pray for this family. This has to be excruciating.

Rough Night

2010-01-19T11:46:00.002-05:00

Sydney had a very rough and restless night. She had many bad apnea episodes and her breathing was labored. She did rest a little this morning, but began again with apnea a little while ago. Please pray for little Sydney and her family. They obviously didn't get any sleep last night either and hate seeing her struggle like this.

Day 11

2010-01-18T20:38:00.002-05:00

Sydney has had a couple pretty bad apnea episodes this afternoon, but none since about 5:00. Those of you that have asked about her heart condition, this is the medical terminology for it: Pulmonary Valve Atresia with Intact Ventricular Septum, Hypoplastic Right Heart and Aortic Valve Stenosis. I hope I got all of that spelled right.

There was a little excitement at the Fodrie house today. A friend of the family (Katie) stopped by to visit today and while watching Aunt P put Sydney's feeding tube in she passed out cold. So, they had to call the EMS, and of course everyone around thought they were coming because of Sydney. Katie came to and is ok thank goodness. Scary scary!!

Please everyone pray for Sydney to have another good night and thank you for your prayers thus far. Here's a few pictures from today.

2010-01-18T13:51:00.001-05:00

Sydney had another good night with only a few minor apnea episodes. There will be a more detailed post tonight. Thanks for your prayers!

Good First Night

2010-01-17T16:15:00.000-05:00

Sydney had a great night. She is such a good baby. We are so happy to be home. We never thought we would be able to bring her home. That was her big brother's big wish before she was born. Thank you so much for all the prayers. She is our MIRACLE. We have had her for 10 wonderful days and hope to have her for many more. Love, Lindsey, Joel, Rafe, and Sydney Grace Fodrie

Home Sweet Home!

2010-01-16T22:10:00.001-05:00

Sydney Grace is enjoying her glider at home with her family tonight! I finally got the meet her today and she is such a beautiful, sweet girl. Can we all pray for a peaceful first night home? No one thought this was a possibility, but God always shows Himself in even the most desperate situations!

WELCOME HOME SYDNEY GRACE!!

2010-01-16T11:28:00.002-05:00

Sydney Grace is on her way home as we speak!! Praise God!!! She had a very good night and Sydney's family is ecstatic that they get to take her home! There will be more pictures later.....

A Better Day

2010-01-15T20:28:00.002-05:00

Sydney had a pretty good day today with less apnea episodes. It is a possibility that tomorrow they could take her HOME!!! Thank you everyone for your prayers! They are being answered!!!! Hopefully tomorrow I will get to meet this sweet girl!!!

Friday AM

2010-01-15T10:02:00.001-05:00

Last night was easier, Sydney Grace's episodes with apnea were fewer, and less taxing to her. If all continues as hoped, the family will take Sydney Grace home tomorrow!

One Week Old

2010-01-14T19:05:00.002-05:00

Sydney is one week old today! She is a little better this afternoon, but is still having some apnea. The past week has been filled with many different emotions, highs and lows. Thank you to everyone who has shared in those emotions and prayed for Sydney and her family. She is certainly a blessing to us all!!

Not much change

2010-01-14T13:28:00.002-05:00

Sydney continues to struggle today. This morning was a tad better, but she started with the apnea again as I was talking to Paige around noon. Baby Sydney certainly has a lot of fight! I just pray that they feel God's presence throughout the day.

Last Night

2010-01-14T10:28:00.001-05:00

Sydney Grace had a very bad night. She is having many apnea episodes and struggling for every breath. This is obviously agonizing for her family. Please continue to pray for her to stop suffering.

Not doing well

2010-01-13T23:19:00.005-05:00

Sydney has not had a good night. She has had several bad "episodes" today, but tonight was the worst. Please continue to pray for Sydney not to suffer. This is just horrible.

Apologies for not getting the prayer warrior slideshow updated, promise to do it tomorrow.

Hilary

Some Better

2010-01-13T18:46:00.002-05:00

Sydney Grace is doing some better this evening. However, she is still a very sick little girl. As you can imagine, today has been very rough on Sydney's family. Thanks to everyone for your prayers and please continue to pray. I will continue to update as often as I get information.

Hilary

Update #2

2010-01-13T12:27:00.002-05:00

Lindsey would like like for everyone to please pray that Sydney doesn't suffer.......

Update

2010-01-13T11:42:00.001-05:00

Sydney Grace is struggling. Please pray for her and especially Lindsey and Joel.

Happy Six Day Birthday Sydney Grace

2010-01-13T11:06:00.007-05:00

Happy Six Day Birthday to Sydney Grace! Sydney had a good night and is getting lots of attention and kisses from her family today. Thanks to everyone for praying for her and spreading the word. Thank you also to Kelly from Kelly's Korner for tweeting about Sydney. Prayers are being answered and will continue to be answered in the coming days.

James 5:15-17 says "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." and Mathhew 18:20 "As we gather together we can claim God's powerful promise, For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

And just to make things clear, we do not believe that our prayers are only answered when we get the answer WE want. God ALWAYS answers our prayers in His perfect way, regardless of if it's the answer we want/expect or not. So, just because yesterday's news was not what we prayed for, we will continue to pray and continue to Praise God for he is ALWAYS GOOD!

Pediatric Cardiologist Appointment

2010-01-12T17:15:00.004-05:00

Sydney Grace had an appointment this morning with a Pediatric Cardiologist. They did an ultrasound of her heart. And and suspected, her heart defect is very serious. Her prognosis is the same. Please pray for Sydney Grace and her family, especially Joel, Lindsey and Rafe. They've had a rough day.......

I've added a few pics to the Prayer Warrior Slideshow.....

No more Jaundice!

2010-01-12T10:55:00.002-05:00

Sydney Grace no longer has jaundice! There will be a more detailed update coming later. In the meantime, check out these pictures from today. I love the one with her legs crossed!!

Sydney Grace no longer has jaundice! There will be a more detailed update coming later. In the meantime, check out these pictures from today. I love the one with her legs crossed!!

Miss Priss

2010-01-12T09:11:00.002-05:00

This precious picture was taken this morning, on Sydney's FIVE DAY BIRTHDAY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SYDNEY GRACE!!!

Jaundice

2010-01-11T19:13:00.003-05:00

Sydney has a light case of jaundice. Dr. Rule decided to let Sydney spend a few hours on the "bili" blanket. She is resting peacefully - it's the longest stretch of time since her birth that she has been out of the arms of her family! Sydney's vitals are still good and Lindsey's blood pressure is much better. The family expressed many thanks today for all the calls, prayers, and love shown to them during this time.

I've had a couple people ask about sending cards. If you would like an address to send a card to, please email me at amazingsydneygrace@gmail.com

Day 4

2010-01-11T16:25:00.002-05:00

Sydney Grace is having another good day! They are upping her feedings from the feeding tube and are continuing to try to get her to drink more out of the bottle. Her heartrate is still good. Please continue to pray for little Sydney. She has had 4 very good days, but we cannot lose sight of the fact that she has Trisomy 18 and is still very sick. Sydney's family is enjoying every second of her miraculous life.

We would still love to see your pictures and add them to the slideshow of Prayer Warriors. You can email them to amazingsydneygrace@gmail.com

^{Psalm 139:13-14

13} For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

Happy 4 Day Birthday Sydney Grace!!

2010-01-11T09:48:00.003-05:00

Latest on Sydney

2010-01-10T22:37:00.004-05:00

Not much has changed with Sydney Grace, she is still doing great! In about 7 hours she will be 4 days old! Please continue to pray for her feedings and for Lindsey's blood pressure. Pray for rest for the entire family. Anyone who has spent a night in the hospital knows how little sleep you get. God is doing great works in and through Sydney Grace!!!

I've also added to the Prayer Warrior slide show. It is amazing to me how many people from all over the country and world are praying for little Sydney. THANK YOU!!

Sydney Grace's Prayer Warrior Photos

2010-01-10T16:01:00.003-05:00

People are praying from all around for Sydney Grace! Here is a sample! Send us your pictures and keep praying!!

Pictures of Answered Prayers

2010-01-10T12:03:00.003-05:00

We asked you guys to pray for Sydney to take more from a bottle and guess what?! She took 7cc's this morning!!! That's over double what she took yesterday! Praise God! Thank you so much for praying!!

Three DAYS Old!!

2010-01-10T08:50:00.003-05:00

Happy Three Day Birthday Sydney Grace! She (and HE ^ ) just continues to amaze us! It is unbelievable what the power of prayer is doing for this baby girl. We are all so thankful for your prayers, but please don't stop praying! We ask that you request prayer for Sydney Grace at your churches this morning. Let's continue to bring God's people together and see what HE can do!

Email me YOUR pictures!

2010-01-10T01:07:00.004-05:00

Ok, lets try this out....Email me (amazingsydneygrace@gmail.com) a picture of Sydney Grace's name in your hometown. It could be as simple as writing her name on a piece of paper and holding it up in your living room and taking pic, or holding her name up beside your hometown sign. Maybe write it in the sand if you live near the beach. If you know someone famous, ask them to pray with you for Sydney, then snap their pic with her name. Get the gist? We firmly believe in the power of prayer and we would love to spread Sydney's story of God's work around the world. Just be sure to include her name and your location....

More Aly Dart Photos

2010-01-10T00:08:00.002-05:00

Praise!!

2010-01-09T19:48:00.003-05:00

Sydney Grace took 3cc's from a bottle today! Praise God! She is still getting most of her food from the feeding tube, but 3cc's is great! Her heart rate was 132 bpm, which is also wonderful. We cease to be amazed by the fight in Sydney Grace. Thank you so much to everyone who is praying. Prayer works! If you want specific things to pray for, please pray for her to continue to take more from the bottle. Pray for Lindsey's (Sydney's mom) blood pressure. Also, pray for people to be touched by Sydney's life and to see Christ's Love through her. I'll leave you with a story that was left on Sydney's Facebook page that I believe says it all....

Once upon a special day in Heaven up above , The tiniest souls sat at God's feet, surrounded by his love. The time was coming, very soon, God said, do not be scared. Your family awaits your arrival, now let us get prepared. And so God looked upon these souls, in mute consideration. He knew the life each one would live, He weighed each situation.

The souls chatted amongst themselves, and wondered who they'd be. They knew the day grew closer; soon, they'd meet their family. How would you like to change the world? God asked each soul in fun. The chance to change a soul, a heart, is held by only one. I'm going to make the world laugh, one soul said with a smile, for laughter heals a broken heart, and helps us through each trial. Then take with you the brightest smile, and share your laughter well. The soul thanked God immensely, and down to earth he fell.

And I'll remind the world to sing, a sweet little soul told the Lord. I have the gift of a beautiful voice; I can hit every note and every chord. You’ll have the gift of music then, a voice, lovely and strong. Share your gift with others, and let them hear your song.

I will show compassion, the next little soul raised her hand. Some people only need a friend, someone to understand. Compassion is a good thing, God said with much delight. To you, I will give mercy. You'll perceive wrong from right. And so each soul shared every thought, their plans, their hopes, their dreams. And God explained that life, it is, much harder than it seems. And as each soul began to leave in a scurry of laughter and fun.

Heaven became quiet and still, for left was only one. Come sit with me my little child, God said with just a sigh. Do you know how many you will touch, in a world left wondering why? Before your life comes to an end, you will know much strife, but you'll teach those who know you, to cherish the smallest things in life. And some may only know you through a simple photograph, they'll never hold you in their arms, or memorize your laugh. Some may only know you through the words they read each day, but you'll do something wonderful, you'll make them stop and pray. The tiniest soul raised her head up, to touch God's firm, strong hand. Father, I am ready for, the life that you have planned. And I will do the best I can without a word or deed. For you Lord, are the planter, and I will be your seed. She could already hear many praying, and although they had not seen her face, they were praying for her safe arrival, they were asking for mercy and grace. What talent do I leave with Lord? What gift do you impart? All that you will need, God said, I've placed within your heart. And so God kissed this tiny child, knowing all that she would be, and whispered as he watched her go...You'll teach them . . . to love me.

- Author Unknown

Aly Dart's Pictures of Sydney

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The Miracle of Sydney Grace

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Let me first say that Sydney Grace is a miracle. This is her story......so far. Sydney Grace was born on January 7, 2010 at 5:11am with Trisomy 18. She weighed 4lb 3oz and was 15 1/2 inches long. Before Sydney Grace was born, her parents were told that if Sydney made it through childbirth, she would probably only live a couple of hours, if that. Sydney is now 2 days and 10 hours old and she is still doing great. At last check, her heart rate was 130 beats per minute and her color was very good. She is defying the odds and it's all by the Grace of God and the power of prayer. Please join us in prayer for this little miracle and spread the word to others so they can also pray.

New Blog

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I've created a blog so family and friends who do not have facebook can follow sweet Sydney Grace. It's a work in progress so please be patient. And if you have any suggestions, please email me at amazingsydneygrace@gmail.com

Thanks, Hilary