I Will Carry You

Back in September, my sister shared a song with me, “I Will Carry You” by Selah. She said, “This song is about you, Lindsey.” It was written about a group member’s family experience. The Smith family lost a child, Audrey Caroline, after a few hours of life. They, too, found out at their ultrasound that there was something wrong with their little girl. They had the same choices presented to them as we did. Like us, they chose life for their baby, however long it may be. That was God’s decision, not theirs or ours. When I heard the song back in the fall, I listened one time and could not bring myself to listen to it again. It brought too much emotion for me that I could not handle at the time.

I did not hear it again until after Sydney was born. When I listened to the words again, they just spoke to me. This was our song. I would play that song a lot as I would hold Sydney at night when everyone else had gone home and Joel and Rafe were asleep. As a matter of fact, we listened to that song as I rocked Sydney while her last breaths were slowing the night she passed. As I rocked Sydney and she was looking at me with her wide open eyes and the song was playing in the back, I just told Sydney that I loved her and it was ok to stop fighting. I said Rafe, daddy and me would be ok. A few minutes later Sydney took her last breath.

After Sydney was born and so many people were able to experience this Miracle from God, it occurred to me that God had actually chosen me to be her mother. What an honor! Of all the people in this world I was actually this child’s mother. It is a privilege to say that I am a mother of a child that touched so many and brought them closer to God. For that reason, I chose to have this song at Sydney’s funeral. The line that speaks the most to me is…

I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen Me
To carry you

During church this past Sunday, the pastor asked different ones to share a story about an experience in their life and how a song defines that event. As they were sharing stories about songs, "Love Lifted Me," "Victory in Jesus," and "Blessed Assurance," I started thinking about what song would define me and my life. It was really clear. “I Will Carry You” is that song. This song is about so many who chose life for their children when they were given other options. We all left the decision in the hands of God. I know my prayer at night over the past months has been “Thy will be done” and for God to give me the strength to be able to handle whatever happens.

Thank you Selah and the Smith family for sharing this beautiful song with the world and allowing it to not only be Audrey Caroline’s song but Sydney Grace’s and all the other babies that left us too soon.

In 1 Chronicles 16:9, the verse says “sing to Him; yes, sing His praises. Tell everyone about His wonderful deeds.”

I Will Carry You by Selah (This is the song that the blog opens with)

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I’m not
Truth is I’m barely hanging on
But there’s a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says…

I’ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen Me
To carry you