Sunday, February 14, 2010

Angel of Mine

Sorry in advance. This post is all over the place. I have a lot of things to talk about and pictures to share.

I love Willow Tree. Since Sydney Grace's birth, I have received "Angel of Grace," "New Parents," and "Miss You" figurines. Joel gave me a new one today for Valentine's Day. When I saw the name of it, I wanted to cry. It is called "Angel of Mine." It could not be anymore perfect. It is a mother holding an infant child.

When Rafe saw it, he asked what it was. He loves to ask a million questions. He wanted to know who the woman was supposed to be. I said me. Then he asked about the baby. He wanted to know if it was him. I said it could be him or Sydney Grace. When Rafe and I talk about Sydney Grace being in heaven, we talk about her being an angel, our borrowed angel. I tell Rafe I am so lucky because I have two angels. Sydney Grace, my angel in heaven, and Rafe, my angel on earth.

I have said often in the past few weeks how lucky I am to be the mother of Sydney Grace. I am also lucky to be the mother of Rafe. He is so smart and curious. I don't want people to think he is perfect, he is not. He can be like any normal child; sassy, stubborn, wild...but, he can also be the most loving and caring child. He is genuinely concerned about my feelings. If I am sad, then he will be sad. He wants me to be happy. He wants to take care of me. If I am feeling bad, then he wants to rub my back or get me a drink. He is definitely a mama's boy. He is definitely my angel.

We visited Sydney Grace's grave today. It was so gorgeous. The snow was still covering the ground and her pink and white flowers just look beautiful against the snow. I bought her a Valentine's Day present a week after she passed away. It is an angel entitled "Daughter's Angel." I wanted Sydney to have a present from her mommy and daddy.

I so miss her. I still have the aching in my heart. I want to hold her. I can still feel her against my chest or her cheek against mine. She absolutely loved to be held like that.

As I was downloading pictures from my camera of the snow, I came across two pictures that I took of Sydney Grace the third night she was home. She looked so good. This was before she became dehydrated. Her cheeks were so fat and her color was so good. This is how I want to remember her by.


  1. The pictures of Sydney are so beautiful! She looks so peaceful and cozy. Thank you for sharing them!

    I too love the Willow statues. Joel surely found the perfect gift for your Valentine's day.

    You're always close in our hearts and prayers. Love you all.

  2. Sweet looks so sweet in them pictures.

  3. She is beautiful!!! These pictures brought tears to my eyes. Such a precious little Angel of Yours :)

  4. I'm so glad ya'll got Sydney a VDay present. We took balloons to Jo's grave. Somehow that made the day fun. I can't explain that feeling in anyway but it helped me. Thinking about you guys.

  5. I love the pics of her, she looks so much like a little angel. I know the pain will subside, she is always watching over you. Always praying for you. I think about you and your family often.


  6. She does look so sweet in those pictures. Her cheeks were so fat and I didn't realize how much hair she had. I love how her mouth was a little open in the first picture. You know they are sleeping good when their mouth in open like that. She was probably listening to your heart beat. She has made my love my babies more. What a sweet little angle she is. Still praying for you guys.

  7. Melanie Stephen & NoahFebruary 17, 2010 at 6:48 PM

    She looks like an angel ...Good memory

  8. I wish I could say something to help you honey, I know hoe you are feeling as we lost Liam to T18 just last November too, people tell me it gets easier but I don't believe that, I think you just learn to live with it. Hoping you find some peace soon xx