Sunday, March 7, 2010

Two Months

Sydney Grace would have been two months old today. I wonder how big she would have been. She was so little when she was born (4 lbs 3.8 oz) and had gotten down to 3 lbs 12 oz. I wonder if she would have hit the 5 lb mark. I wonder if she would have been drinking from a bottle and not having to use the feeding tube. There are a lot of "I wonders..."

We had a pretty good weekend. It started off Friday with me visiting my cousin in the hospital after she had a beautiful baby boy. His name is Kenan Gage and was born 9 lbs 4oz. He has blond hair and I think looks like his uncle, Kenneth. Savannah, his older sister absolutely adores him. I did not know how I would feel visiting. I was really nervous I would breakdown walking up to the labor and delivery. I have to admit when I found out he was born, I did cry. I was wanting to have Sydney Grace back so badly. Gage being born brought back all the memories of Sydney's birth and our stay at the hospital. As I got off the elevator one of my favorite nurses was at the nurses station. When she saw me she got up and gave me a big hug. She made me feel so good. As I walked in the room I saw Gage, and I instantly wanted to hold him. There was no sadness for Sydney. I was holding another miracle of God.

Last night we had a party in honor of all the wonderful people that helped us with Sydney Grace. We honored the nurses and friends that made Sydney Grace's 20 days the best. I have talked before about how much I love the nurses at Carteret General. Last night three of those nurses were able to attend our party. I was so happy to see them again. We also had Hilary, Karen, Alan and Yvette, AnMarie, and all the Hancocks. These friends were so wonderful to our family during those twenty days and beyond. I have always heard the saying "you find out your true friends when times get tough.." Well we had so many friends support us through Sydney Grace's life. I don't know how we can ever thank them enough.

Today, within an hour of waking up our doorbell rang. Joel answered to find a flower delivery. We thought, "Who would be sending me flowers on a Sunday." It was my team at school, The Starfish. They knew today would have been Sydney Grace's two month birthday and sent me flowers. My team is the best. I was so blessed to be placed on the Starfish team when I was hired at the beginning of the year. My cup runneth over....

This afternoon I went to visit Sydney Grace's grave. When I got there I was surprised to see that her footstone had been placed. I was also surprised that I was actually not upset to see it there. I know some people might see their child's grave marker and be very upset. Upset to see their child's name on a grave. Of course I would give anything to have Sydney Grace back, but I saw her marker as another way to show this world that she lived. That she will never been forgotten. As others walk through the cemetery, they will see her name and know that there was a little girl that graced our presence for twenty wonderful days. They might never know what a miracle she was, but they will know that she was "our borrowed angel."


  1. I am always at a loss of words. I never feel like there is anything I can say to take away your longing to have Sydney back. I pray every Sunday at church for your strength to get through this. I hope it is helping. I can't tell you enough how amazing you are. I know for you, you are doing what a mother would do and may not think too much of it. But you have opened my eyes to a better way of looking at life. I have had 4 pregnancies and 4 children and I know there are days that I take their lives for granted. Reading your blog reminds me to give them extra hugs and kisses because they truly are gifts from God. Thank you for sharing your story and wisdom.


  2. We are the ones who are blessed to have you as part of our team! I'm so thankful that I have gotten the chance to meet you and the chance to share in Sydney Grace's amazing journey. Love you!

  3. I'm so humbled to read your blogs. I have also experienced the loss of a child. She didn't pass from the same thing but she is still gone. Yesterday she would have been 11 years old. Thanks Lindsey for sharing her life with the world. I realized soon after reading these blogs and friending your page on FB that I'm a distant relative of your husband. I would love to set down with you and learn more about Sydney Grace.

  4. I am amazed …
    That word keeps wrapping up this whole story of the 20 days that keep going on and on. Amazing Sydney Grace … Amazing Lindsey … Amazing friends and family … these Amazing 20 days …
    I am amazed at the giving of love around all this. On Saturday afternoon I was privileged - yes, privileged to be included in the small gathering of friends, family and nurses to honor Sydney Grace’s life with an appreciation time from Joel and Lindsey. I was surprise to even be included and most surprised to receive a precious gift. I had done nothing along the way except help others help, share the story with friends near and far, spray paint welcome signs that glorious Saturday morning when she came home, cook a few meals, do what I know to do when trouble comes …… nothing special, my privilege for sure.
    Who would have thought they would even think of thanking us again… but they did and we all gathered one more time to hold onto another moment of Sydney Grace’s power and love, see her pictures, touch her toys, see her dress …….. but more than that, to feel the love of the Fodrie family as it continues to grow and strengthen with time and trouble as families do. I cannot help, being who I am, but think of how proud Lindsey’s Aunt Polly Evelyn would be of Lindsey and her mother Sheri, their faith, their strength, their grace, poise and character and how much she would have loved little Sydney Grace.
    In all this, I am also reminded of another dear friend and mother who lost her son – her son of 19 years who told me one night after I had left my son of 15 years at the School of Science and Math on a cold and dark Sunday night (while I was crying my way back to Marshallberg) and I called Valerie to ask how she could bear to lose her Jarrod forever when I couldn’t even give up my Casey for a few weeks at the time. She told me something powerful that I will never forget, “The healing is in the giving.” What a testament to her faith and strength. Mothers – the hand of God for sure ….
    Surely the Fodrie’s know that … and we are all healed in their giving and we are all – every one of us - strengthened in their giving, and hopefully they are in ours. What a journey this has been for all who have been touched by this little girl. May the Lord continue to bless the legacy of this Amazing Sydney Grace … KA